Well , Today .

has been a rough day for me ,

today , i experienced the people who i perhaps actually consider fiends . nope , not friends , fiends .

i saw , a tad bit of true human nature .

i am utterly confused , who is enemy and who is family .

Be it that im humble , i wont even bother arguing with it .

Morals . Id laugh at people's knowledge of morals .

Right now , im feelin a lil down , mad , burnt by endurance .

cuz face it , adults will be adults .

who they can be , how close they are to you ,

how young they are , adults are adults .

they've lost trust in people ,
not like a child , who's born with a faith of hope .

they;ve lost themselves , disillusioned by the world's values and social conditioning ,
unlike a child , who's happy by the thought of candy .

they've been crackdown , to surviving life .
Not living life , like a child , who's just out to catch that frog . and dances in glee when its caught with his very own hands .

it has became competition , rather thdn emulation .
elimination just for survival , even to its own kind .

they;ve forgotten , the simple glees of life .

not that im a moronic kid who goes around catching frogs for glee .

but hey , be nice . be open , be tactical , be kind , be analytical . be effective .

at least , dont sterotype .

Morals , arent they developed by men ?
what are morals ?
who's to say right and wrong ,
who's to say elitism is right and discrimination is wrong ?

who ?

if not God , be it you .
and for that very fact , creates individualism .
and for individualism to exist , no one must impose .

im disappointed , in humans , in my own kind .
if i had to shoot the bad guys , id gun down my own people first .
and thdn again , what morals would that pose of me .

I was challenged today ,
that i need to study , in order to know whats really going on around the world .

And id humbly take a bow at the ignorance of central banks , the illuminati , chem trails , economic hitman etc .
it is your reality to think that , i dont blame you . for your misjudged values of this world .

Im utterly disappointed .

Morals , maybe ill laugh at the way he said it , maybe i wont .

who knows ? maybe central banks , illuminati , chem trails economic hitmans are all bullshit .
MAYBE im wrong . *though i hardly think so* . but who am i to judge .

if im so fuckin sure of what im thinkin ,
what makes you think you're not as sure as i am ,
and for that very reason , who is to judge .

Dont do stupid things ,
and sometimes id wonder whats the true meaning of intelligence .
and ill think , and thdn ill start laughing . cuz i thought of thinking .

Im not judgin anyone here ,
im just saying , dont judge .

You know . no you dont .

right now ,
i dont even have the mood to typed out bout dirt bike riding , attemps at hunting , and scaring the shit out of chickens . not even in the mood to talk bout saving a rather huge fire last week .

you know , there is a downside to humility and silence ,
that is , who gives a fuck bout u .

Morals .
whoever created this word must have meant it as a joke .

Life is an interesting journey you never know where it'll take you,
Peaks and valley's,
Twists and turns,
You can get the surprise of your life,
Sometimes on the way to where you going, you might think "This is the worst time of my life"
But you know what at the end of the road,
If you get to where you wanted to be,
You remember "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger"
On your way to the top,
You can do anything,
But how do u get your life back when you get there

Perhaps its nostalgia

perhaps lookin at those pictures of the ones i spent time with over previous year took me down a lil .

thdn i wonder if it made sense to feel that .

i didnt set de frame right in de first place ,

that i couldn care less bout social groups ,

cuz im so sick of all de superficial reactions that humans forced into their own reality .

thdn , i wonder , if i was wrong .

did it and did it not that i made a choice ?

was i insane ? sad . or crazy .

cuz if that's de case , perhaps im alright .

if not , maybe ived been the one who's been changing masks .

was it ?

all i did was to feel how i really feel . at different situations .

i didnt meant a masquerade to happen .

and it didnt .

im happy , for being who i am .

im happy , that i have a choice .

that i actually want to make a choice thdn rather fall into the trap of social conditioning .

who cares ?

now i knw .

but at least i do .

i hope de best for them ,

that they will truly pursue a dream .

and experience de blood flow pass their every vein .

thdn , they will truly knw that they are alive .

well alot did happen over the past week ,

i missed her birthday , and frm thdn on , everythin was madness in a package .

im handlin it pretty nicely .

i dont want any of my classmates to worry .

they'd be too crank to worry anyway .

but alright .

love to those who did =]






Never explain yourself .
Your best friend dont need it ,
and your enemies wont believe it .

There has always been ghosts in systems . rules . and mentality .

Random segments of code that have been put together to form unexpected protocols

Unanticpated, these free radical engendered questions of freewill .

Creativity , and even the nature of what we call the soul

Why is it when some are left in the darkness , they seek out the light .

How do we explain this .

Random segments of code ?

Or is it something more ?

When does perceptual schematic turn to consciousness ?

When does the difference engine become the search for truth ?

When does the personality stimulation become the bitter moat of the soul?

What do you see here in your own darkened eyes ?

the Truth in Consciousness.
De soul . ?

What do you see ?
As the blankness of itself stare you back in the mirror .
Are you even aware ?
What light would u shine now .
Do you even dare to know .
What lurks and what not .

When Death smiles at you .
All you can do , is smile back .

I got shot down today .

i got shot from the back .

guess who .

Me .

is it that i radically find what is utmost important to me ?
that my dreams and passions could be felt running through my veins ever so readily .
as all it ever flows is back into my wounded thumping heart .
there is nothing in life that can pacify the thought of fear , of your very self .
if we were to do the things we are capable of , we would astound ourselves .

Those words enter my head .
It rings like a church bell over Notre Dame's Gothic Cathedral .
It rung , over and over again , as if it broke .
and yet , the very heart of de belle keeps its whispers in hurt ,
Dont try to fix me ,
Im not broken .

Hate , may it be the heart of my strength .
It is I , who is able to stare fear in its eye .
Roar , let it know , that it can take our lives ,
but they can never take my Freedom .

awaken de darkness within .
shed light upon it .
and the bells may ring .
all it takes , is an assassin's creed .

Awaken . My old friend .
Its time to bring down the house .

This is Intriguing .

that my life is a dilemma in a devil's playground .

of which i know what to do and when to do .

that , i know specifically what i need .

would it bother me if i chose to appear as what it is or not .

no it wouldn .

tonnes of things and places ived saw and been in life .
be it family member assination ,
to hiding for my life , hunted for my head .
to raiding one of my dad's mistresses house and have her know who's boss .
be it having kickass lovers .
to carrying a giant teddy bear across orchard road to make a lover smile that day .
be it sitting on the edge of de 21st storey , ready to die ,
to overdosing myself w alcohol , ready to die .

i grew tired of being the stature of attention .
the chiral hold of de constant trial of stabilizing my life .
the constant love of becoming a greater man .

i made a choice .

how is it possible that out of school my friends are boundless .
that im kickass fun in clubs . that people are way more receptive when i make em .
that i am blissful for who i am
when i feel every blood rush down my veins for the things ived conquered .
that i draw attention like a vampire's stash madly takes places .

and in school im dead ?
at least i was alive before ,
till a point , i realize there was no point .
there's nothing awesome bout being "it" in school .
too much facade , too much grenade .
may the force be with those who are hypnotized by social conditioning .

a choice was made ,
as i watch everyday , de footsteps of my previous life wayy back , in many passerbys .
that i anticipated , actions and reactions .
that im too tired , and sick of it all , to even give a good response .

my life is too dramatic for me to be dramatic .
i do what i do .
may it seem hypocritical or not .
because all i know , is ill get there .

Love ? ived bled .
and till this day my heart lies broken in shattered pieces .
that i wonder if i should still believe in true love ,
that i wonder if making my love smile and melt would still be in my daily checklist .
i wonder if i still believe in love .
or should i head back to de clubs and make out with hot random girls all over again .

i hate myself right now .
for all the reasons i can think of .
tonnes of thoughts runnin through my head day by day .
and i dont even know what makes sense anymore .

conscious , vicious , and rashed .
i think . i really do . and many things overcomplicate themselves .
im happy . that im perhaps a tad bit crazy .
mindfucking with my mind is gnna kill u .
so dont even think about it .

Having Dreams is like being a Prisoner of War

U Betray your Kind , U Definitely Live

U Shut de Hell up . U get into trouble .

Perhaps even face death .

Even so , I know its worth dying righteous .

Dying with Honour

And If I get to Live ,

Id Live with Honour .

Never a day will i sacrifice tempting death over self betrayal .

Truly , id rather take the lovely risk .

Dreams are thdn alike .

U Betray your Dreams ,

U do what the world wants and expects of u ,

Ud Definitely Live ,

Get a Cert ,

a 9 to 5 job ,

Get Married ,

Have Children ,

Live another 30 yrs of Normal life .

thdn u die .

so exciting aint it ??

COME ON MANN ..

Id pursue what i wanna do .

no matter the consequences .

cuz id know ,

id nv trade a single day of pursuit ,

over being the world's dog .



In Life , Just know 2 Simple Things

Number 1 - Know What you Want .

Number 2 - Get What you Want .


Yes Education is Important and it instills Nice Values into u .

but i belive thats how much i need from it .

its kinda like how u dont ever wanna do a phd cuz u know it makes u nuts .

and u dont see a need .

same here , i see no need to go on anymore .

Chemistry , Econs and Gp aint gnna make me happy .

though i once gt an A in Gp ( TO MISS NG OF ZSS 4E2 - EAT THAT !!!)

im nt depending on it to lead a happy life ,

neither do i see a passion in it .

if i fight this useless battle ,

and even if i win , which i will be bout 27 after coming out of uni

ill end up being a chemist working for some stupid lab .

for de rest of ur life . =)

Veryyyyyyyy awesome life if u ask me .

id prefer freestyle , where competition exist in things u cannot learn in school .

never . and cmonn .

Education to me , comes in all shape sizes and forms .

Dreams are meant to be yours and yours alone .

and u , gtta do something bout it .

Arabian Girlfriend thinks so too .

and bitch , can u stop calling me monkey ?!!

haha , i love u laa .

Wake me up with ur stupid phone calls at 4 am just to tell me u love me .

okayy bitch . u owe me lunch for that .

Anywayy , Life is pretty awesome =)

15 of Nov is Charlotte's birthdayyyyyy !!!

hope ur well in Canadaa mann .

i totally freaking miss bullying trashing and burning your ass , haha

Send u somethin on Thursdayy x)





Do I Hear a Hell Yeahh ?!?! haha

im 17 this yr .

and by 23 .

im a millionaire ,

a musician , Dj and Jackass =)

and by 27 ,

a multimillionaire and a rockstar dj

And happily married to the bitch who wakes me up at 4am x)

Have litte Joshes and little Sharifahs

Teach them how to rock like their Dad and Mum

by 30 , a billionaire .

Tour de world , Be a Philantropist and help de needy all round de world .

Buy a Rose farm and give out free Roses to everyone .

Hug everyone i see , make them smile

and teach people how to rock and have fun in life .



not a Master/Bachelor chemist who just got out of uni .

=)



Life - Its as simple as that

Lovely are your Eyes

My Heart still Beats

Soft is your Madness

My Love Bitten Treats

=j

YO !!!!

haha .

Life is Rocking .

Buzy .

and vvv buzy .

doing some management stuff in my life .

time to get things right .

=]

all sides of amigos are blacked out .

Zss amigos are slowly drifting away .

can hardly see them now .

and ij amigos barely know me .

raine says im rash . wth .

party amigos are just having their own fun .

ill live .

its like this period of time to get everything set and done .

de engine running .

thdn ill go catch up with them .

Sharifah emailed me .

Garhh .

Someday k ? Someday .

And Ij ij ij ..

=] a new me ?

hell no .

its nt gnna take over .

im nt letting it .

kinda forget how's de warrior now .

its like now im this machine .

and like jasmin said , brain;s missing .

so's the heart i guess .



Carried de Huge me 2 you bear frm Fy's hse back .

Godd . does that attract attention or does that attract attention .

especially de girls . *its nt a gd thing*

i can just see their eyes light up .

with their jaws slightly falling .

well , u can have it if u want .

seriously , just ask .



How are you , My Crusade .
tourniquets stopping bleed .
i hardly notice your fade .
making u regret , my creed .



i know , u think ur having fun .



but the past will never change .
though it haunts .
i stare at it in the eye .
do you think i fear ?



Rightt , that aside .

haha . rock it .



New Media Arts Exco Auditions on Monday .
=]
i love auditions .
where every and anything goes .
unpredictablilty , my part strength .



IJC is tedious . so yet fun .
guess im sitting down after this .
and think about life .
get a stack of paper .
and start thinking bout that million .
before 21 . my new ambition .
and Dreams , its time to unfold them .



OH YEAH !! i discovered something damn cool today .

while i was walking home , was thinking bout the mind .

and i remembered i have photographic memory .

so while i walk down this pathway .

i closed my eyes .

and started walking .

in my mind im picturing how everything is as i walk .

bout 30 secs ,

surprisingly im still walking ( havent hit anythin yet )

thdn i stopped .

remember the picture in my mind . (of the surroundings)

how close that tree is to me , where's de ground etc etc .

opened my eyes .

BLOODY HELL !!! IM PSYCHIC !!!

WHOOHOO !!!

EVERYTHING WAS EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED IT !!!(almost)

i think .

i need to hone this new found skill .

now i know why those martial artiste always blindfold themselves ,

saying " when one of ur senses is down , the others become stronger "

haha .

This is a new fun .





guess ived helped another soul to get back on her feet .
and i made it seem as if she did it on her own .
awesome .
cuz confidence and believing is very important .
now that u believe yourself , everything is going well .
you dont feel the pain anymore .
and that person is nothing more .

=] rock on .




muahahaha .
6pac is coming .
2 more weeks .
losing weight is easy .

=]



DJ classes started and damn it is it HELL load of fun .
Hell yes .
John Klas ROCKS !!!



i know i have wings .
i do .



this complicated mind of mine .
is a mind of minds .

i forgive it for its intensity .
i forgive myself for a deciphering mime .
now , ill just let the natural unmillitary .
and enjoy every bit of intelligience's fine .



still , nobody knows who i am .







J0SHE - Knight of Freedom .

Joshe

23/01/1990

Ships in the harbour are safe

But that;s not what ships are built for

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