joshe

2009-05-08T02:15:00.003+08:00

Well , Today .

has been a rough day for me ,

today , i experienced the people who i perhaps actually consider fiends . nope , not friends , fiends .

i saw , a tad bit of true human nature .

i am utterly confused , who is enemy and who is family .

Be it that im humble , i wont even bother arguing with it .

Morals . Id laugh at people's knowledge of morals .

Right now , im feelin a lil down , mad , burnt by endurance .

cuz face it , adults will be adults .

who they can be , how close they are to you ,

how young they are , adults are adults .

they've lost trust in people ,
not like a child , who's born with a faith of hope .

they;ve lost themselves , disillusioned by the world's values and social conditioning ,
unlike a child , who's happy by the thought of candy .

they've been crackdown , to surviving life .
Not living life , like a child , who's just out to catch that frog . and dances in glee when its caught with his very own hands .

it has became competition , rather thdn emulation .
elimination just for survival , even to its own kind .

they;ve forgotten , the simple glees of life .

not that im a moronic kid who goes around catching frogs for glee .

but hey , be nice . be open , be tactical , be kind , be analytical . be effective .

at least , dont sterotype .

Morals , arent they developed by men ?
what are morals ?
who's to say right and wrong ,
who's to say elitism is right and discrimination is wrong ?

who ?

if not God , be it you .
and for that very fact , creates individualism .
and for individualism to exist , no one must impose .

im disappointed , in humans , in my own kind .
if i had to shoot the bad guys , id gun down my own people first .
and thdn again , what morals would that pose of me .

I was challenged today ,
that i need to study , in order to know whats really going on around the world .

And id humbly take a bow at the ignorance of central banks , the illuminati , chem trails , economic hitman etc .
it is your reality to think that , i dont blame you . for your misjudged values of this world .

Im utterly disappointed .

Morals , maybe ill laugh at the way he said it , maybe i wont .

who knows ? maybe central banks , illuminati , chem trails economic hitmans are all bullshit .
MAYBE im wrong . *though i hardly think so* . but who am i to judge .

if im so fuckin sure of what im thinkin ,
what makes you think you're not as sure as i am ,
and for that very reason , who is to judge .

Dont do stupid things ,
and sometimes id wonder whats the true meaning of intelligence .
and ill think , and thdn ill start laughing . cuz i thought of thinking .

Im not judgin anyone here ,
im just saying , dont judge .

You know . no you dont .

right now ,
i dont even have the mood to typed out bout dirt bike riding , attemps at hunting , and scaring the shit out of chickens . not even in the mood to talk bout saving a rather huge fire last week .

you know , there is a downside to humility and silence ,
that is , who gives a fuck bout u .

Morals .
whoever created this word must have meant it as a joke .

2009-03-02T21:15:00.001+08:00

Life is an interesting journey you never know where it'll take you,
Peaks and valley's,
Twists and turns,
You can get the surprise of your life,
Sometimes on the way to where you going, you might think "This is the worst time of my life"
But you know what at the end of the road,
If you get to where you wanted to be,
You remember "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger"
On your way to the top,
You can do anything,
But how do u get your life back when you get there

2009-03-02T11:41:00.003+08:00

Perhaps its nostalgia

perhaps lookin at those pictures of the ones i spent time with over previous year took me down a lil .

thdn i wonder if it made sense to feel that .

i didnt set de frame right in de first place ,

that i couldn care less bout social groups ,

cuz im so sick of all de superficial reactions that humans forced into their own reality .

thdn , i wonder , if i was wrong .

did it and did it not that i made a choice ?

was i insane ? sad . or crazy .

cuz if that's de case , perhaps im alright .

if not , maybe ived been the one who's been changing masks .

was it ?

all i did was to feel how i really feel . at different situations .

i didnt meant a masquerade to happen .

and it didnt .

im happy , for being who i am .

im happy , that i have a choice .

that i actually want to make a choice thdn rather fall into the trap of social conditioning .

who cares ?

now i knw .

but at least i do .

i hope de best for them ,

that they will truly pursue a dream .

and experience de blood flow pass their every vein .

thdn , they will truly knw that they are alive .

well alot did happen over the past week ,

i missed her birthday , and frm thdn on , everythin was madness in a package .

im handlin it pretty nicely .

i dont want any of my classmates to worry .

they'd be too crank to worry anyway .

but alright .

love to those who did =]

Never explain yourself .
Your best friend dont need it ,
and your enemies wont believe it .

2009-02-17T00:30:00.005+08:00

There has always been ghosts in systems . rules . and mentality .

Random segments of code that have been put together to form unexpected protocols

Unanticpated, these free radical engendered questions of freewill .

Creativity , and even the nature of what we call the soul

Why is it when some are left in the darkness , they seek out the light .

How do we explain this .

Random segments of code ?

Or is it something more ?

When does perceptual schematic turn to consciousness ?

When does the difference engine become the search for truth ?

When does the personality stimulation become the bitter moat of the soul?

What do you see here in your own darkened eyes ?

the Truth in Consciousness.
De soul . ?

What do you see ?
As the blankness of itself stare you back in the mirror .
Are you even aware ?
What light would u shine now .
Do you even dare to know .
What lurks and what not .

When Death smiles at you .
All you can do , is smile back .

Shred

2009-02-16T23:58:00.002+08:00

I got shot down today .

i got shot from the back .

guess who .

Me .

is it that i radically find what is utmost important to me ?
that my dreams and passions could be felt running through my veins ever so readily .
as all it ever flows is back into my wounded thumping heart .
there is nothing in life that can pacify the thought of fear , of your very self .
if we were to do the things we are capable of , we would astound ourselves .

Those words enter my head .
It rings like a church bell over Notre Dame's Gothic Cathedral .
It rung , over and over again , as if it broke .
and yet , the very heart of de belle keeps its whispers in hurt ,
Dont try to fix me ,
Im not broken .

Hate , may it be the heart of my strength .
It is I , who is able to stare fear in its eye .
Roar , let it know , that it can take our lives ,
but they can never take my Freedom .

awaken de darkness within .
shed light upon it .
and the bells may ring .
all it takes , is an assassin's creed .

Awaken . My old friend .
Its time to bring down the house .

2009-02-11T22:57:00.003+08:00

This is Intriguing .

that my life is a dilemma in a devil's playground .

of which i know what to do and when to do .

that , i know specifically what i need .

would it bother me if i chose to appear as what it is or not .

no it wouldn .

tonnes of things and places ived saw and been in life .
be it family member assination ,
to hiding for my life , hunted for my head .
to raiding one of my dad's mistresses house and have her know who's boss .
be it having kickass lovers .
to carrying a giant teddy bear across orchard road to make a lover smile that day .
be it sitting on the edge of de 21st storey , ready to die ,
to overdosing myself w alcohol , ready to die .

i grew tired of being the stature of attention .
the chiral hold of de constant trial of stabilizing my life .
the constant love of becoming a greater man .

i made a choice .

how is it possible that out of school my friends are boundless .
that im kickass fun in clubs . that people are way more receptive when i make em .
that i am blissful for who i am
when i feel every blood rush down my veins for the things ived conquered .
that i draw attention like a vampire's stash madly takes places .

and in school im dead ?
at least i was alive before ,
till a point , i realize there was no point .
there's nothing awesome bout being "it" in school .
too much facade , too much grenade .
may the force be with those who are hypnotized by social conditioning .

a choice was made ,
as i watch everyday , de footsteps of my previous life wayy back , in many passerbys .
that i anticipated , actions and reactions .
that im too tired , and sick of it all , to even give a good response .

my life is too dramatic for me to be dramatic .
i do what i do .
may it seem hypocritical or not .
because all i know , is ill get there .

Love ? ived bled .
and till this day my heart lies broken in shattered pieces .
that i wonder if i should still believe in true love ,
that i wonder if making my love smile and melt would still be in my daily checklist .
i wonder if i still believe in love .
or should i head back to de clubs and make out with hot random girls all over again .

i hate myself right now .
for all the reasons i can think of .
tonnes of thoughts runnin through my head day by day .
and i dont even know what makes sense anymore .

conscious , vicious , and rashed .
i think . i really do . and many things overcomplicate themselves .
im happy . that im perhaps a tad bit crazy .
mindfucking with my mind is gnna kill u .
so dont even think about it .

2007-11-14T05:43:00.001+08:00

Having Dreams is like being a Prisoner of War

U Betray your Kind , U Definitely Live

U Shut de Hell up . U get into trouble .

Perhaps even face death .

Even so , I know its worth dying righteous .

Dying with Honour

And If I get to Live ,

Id Live with Honour .

Never a day will i sacrifice tempting death over self betrayal .

Truly , id rather take the lovely risk .

Dreams are thdn alike .

U Betray your Dreams ,

U do what the world wants and expects of u ,

Ud Definitely Live ,

Get a Cert ,

a 9 to 5 job ,

Get Married ,

Have Children ,

Live another 30 yrs of Normal life .

thdn u die .

so exciting aint it ??

COME ON MANN ..

Id pursue what i wanna do .

no matter the consequences .

cuz id know ,

id nv trade a single day of pursuit ,

over being the world's dog .

In Life , Just know 2 Simple Things

Number 1 - Know What you Want .

Number 2 - Get What you Want .

Yes Education is Important and it instills Nice Values into u .

but i belive thats how much i need from it .

its kinda like how u dont ever wanna do a phd cuz u know it makes u nuts .

and u dont see a need .

same here , i see no need to go on anymore .

Chemistry , Econs and Gp aint gnna make me happy .

though i once gt an A in Gp ( TO MISS NG OF ZSS 4E2 - EAT THAT !!!)

im nt depending on it to lead a happy life ,

neither do i see a passion in it .

if i fight this useless battle ,

and even if i win , which i will be bout 27 after coming out of uni

ill end up being a chemist working for some stupid lab .

for de rest of ur life . =)

Veryyyyyyyy awesome life if u ask me .

id prefer freestyle , where competition exist in things u cannot learn in school .

never . and cmonn .

Education to me , comes in all shape sizes and forms .

Dreams are meant to be yours and yours alone .

and u , gtta do something bout it .

Arabian Girlfriend thinks so too .

and bitch , can u stop calling me monkey ?!!

haha , i love u laa .

Wake me up with ur stupid phone calls at 4 am just to tell me u love me .

okayy bitch . u owe me lunch for that .

Anywayy , Life is pretty awesome =)

15 of Nov is Charlotte's birthdayyyyyy !!!

hope ur well in Canadaa mann .

i totally freaking miss bullying trashing and burning your ass , haha

Send u somethin on Thursdayy x)

Do I Hear a Hell Yeahh ?!?! haha

im 17 this yr .

and by 23 .

im a millionaire ,

a musician , Dj and Jackass =)

and by 27 ,

a multimillionaire and a rockstar dj

And happily married to the bitch who wakes me up at 4am x)

Have litte Joshes and little Sharifahs

Teach them how to rock like their Dad and Mum

by 30 , a billionaire .

Tour de world , Be a Philantropist and help de needy all round de world .

Buy a Rose farm and give out free Roses to everyone .

Hug everyone i see , make them smile

and teach people how to rock and have fun in life .

not a Master/Bachelor chemist who just got out of uni .

=)

Life - Its as simple as that

Bad ! I Miss U Mad

2007-11-14T05:24:00.000+08:00

Lovely are your Eyes

My Heart still Beats

Soft is your Madness

My Love Bitten Treats

=j

2007-04-21T14:10:00.000+08:00

YO !!!!

haha .

Life is Rocking .

Buzy .

and vvv buzy .

doing some management stuff in my life .

time to get things right .

=]

all sides of amigos are blacked out .

Zss amigos are slowly drifting away .

can hardly see them now .

and ij amigos barely know me .

raine says im rash . wth .

party amigos are just having their own fun .

ill live .

its like this period of time to get everything set and done .

de engine running .

thdn ill go catch up with them .

Sharifah emailed me .

Garhh .

Someday k ? Someday .

And Ij ij ij ..

=] a new me ?

hell no .

its nt gnna take over .

im nt letting it .

kinda forget how's de warrior now .

its like now im this machine .

and like jasmin said , brain;s missing .

so's the heart i guess .

Carried de Huge me 2 you bear frm Fy's hse back .

Godd . does that attract attention or does that attract attention .

especially de girls . *its nt a gd thing*

i can just see their eyes light up .

with their jaws slightly falling .

well , u can have it if u want .

seriously , just ask .

How are you , My Crusade .
tourniquets stopping bleed .
i hardly notice your fade .
making u regret , my creed .

i know , u think ur having fun .

but the past will never change .
though it haunts .
i stare at it in the eye .
do you think i fear ?

Rightt , that aside .

haha . rock it .

New Media Arts Exco Auditions on Monday .
=]
i love auditions .
where every and anything goes .
unpredictablilty , my part strength .

IJC is tedious . so yet fun .
guess im sitting down after this .
and think about life .
get a stack of paper .
and start thinking bout that million .
before 21 . my new ambition .
and Dreams , its time to unfold them .

OH YEAH !! i discovered something damn cool today .

while i was walking home , was thinking bout the mind .

and i remembered i have photographic memory .

so while i walk down this pathway .

i closed my eyes .

and started walking .

in my mind im picturing how everything is as i walk .

bout 30 secs ,

surprisingly im still walking ( havent hit anythin yet )

thdn i stopped .

remember the picture in my mind . (of the surroundings)

how close that tree is to me , where's de ground etc etc .

opened my eyes .

BLOODY HELL !!! IM PSYCHIC !!!

WHOOHOO !!!

EVERYTHING WAS EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED IT !!!(almost)

i think .

i need to hone this new found skill .

now i know why those martial artiste always blindfold themselves ,

saying " when one of ur senses is down , the others become stronger "

haha .

This is a new fun .

guess ived helped another soul to get back on her feet .
and i made it seem as if she did it on her own .
awesome .
cuz confidence and believing is very important .
now that u believe yourself , everything is going well .
you dont feel the pain anymore .
and that person is nothing more .

=] rock on .

muahahaha .
6pac is coming .
2 more weeks .
losing weight is easy .

=]

DJ classes started and damn it is it HELL load of fun .
Hell yes .
John Klas ROCKS !!!

i know i have wings .
i do .

this complicated mind of mine .
is a mind of minds .

i forgive it for its intensity .
i forgive myself for a deciphering mime .
now , ill just let the natural unmillitary .
and enjoy every bit of intelligience's fine .

still , nobody knows who i am .

J0SHE - Knight of Freedom .

2007-03-26T19:01:00.000+08:00

a sense of implement .

lonliness .

if there's anyone .

anyone out there .

to save me .

will you .

a love .

there so to hold me .

where are you .

ived lived life .

saved some .

where are you .

will you .

there are times .

when my heart crushes .

and i dont know who i am anymore .

am i to hate .

am i to fall .

the warrior within's fate .

the warrior within's all .

who am i .

where are you .

will you .

i feel this deep nostalgia .

like im weak again .

its been long .

too long .

even a day takes forever .

like a minute inferno .

despise . a minute's sense .

lovely ?

maybe .

i know de reason .

where .

i feel this deep belonging .

of somewhere lost .

it wasnt just a dream .

may i .

will you .

where are you .

do i .

i do , i really really do .

2007-03-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

YO !!

haha .

Couple of days ago was de CCA day .

Went like everywhere .

checked out de new media arts booth .

way cool stuff .

theres like 5 units in new media arts .

FPU (flim production unit)

IBCS tv + IBCS radio (innova broadcasting station)

Innovation Technology

Photography

im in for de IBCS and FPU .

cuz they teach DJing Music production and composing .

hell yeah .

yeahh . cool stuff huh .

joined NMA !!!

heh , at de same time ,

joined musicians club too .

they told me they need me .

haha . so i was first name on their list .

alrite amigos . your new band member is here .

Oh , and i keep bumping into leslie .

garhh , eh girl , dye back ur hair black mann .

u make diego jealous .

haha , and she keeps asking me to join cheer !!!

Goddd ... haha .

so she like pulled me there .

alrite , gt pulled there . literally .

haha . right .

and when i reached there .

cheryl and may like saw me !!

die .

" JOSH !!!! JOIN CHEER !!! "

" JOIN JOIN JOIN JOIN JOIN JOIN JOIN JOIN JOIN JOIN !!! "

" JOIN X100 "

Leslie like went in frnt of me and wrote her name .

haha . and thdn Cheer captain called me .

idiot .

thdn cheryl to prevent me from running away was like putting her arms on my shoulder .

and they were like " CMON ..... "

im like " Do i seriously look like a cheerdude to ya !?!? "

" We NEED guys like u "

" U gt Cheer Body "

" Yeah . You do "

Joshe : *speechless*

May : * writes my name on list*

thdn i was invited for a practice for de nxt nxt thursday .

great . now im in cheer .

haha .

right . and thdn i was like .

Where's Leslie ?

Garhh .

Run away again .

We suppose to go home together rem !?!?!

thdn i thought .

she seemed kinda awkward at de cheer sign up just now .

but nvm .. gnna go find her .

found her at de gym .

she's signing up .

haha . and thdn that gym dude gt me in too .

cuz i told him im training under de book ten .

he said its slack cca , just come and train ,

while ya do , look after de gym , thats all .

right . thdn Leslie was like pulling the bar .

she seems tired la .

haha .

left with her and me in de gym .

thdn she was like she rather join gym thdn cheer .

and i was like whyy ?

thdn she told me de ladies in cheer has some conflict with her .

that they would always leave her alone during convos and stuff .

thdn she asked , dint ya saw just now ?

*rapid thoughts*

"yeahh . "

thd i told her to join de guys to have fun .

heh , she smiled .

later she went to find her friends and i went to de musicians club .

they were playing avril's "keep holding on" .

as i listened .

*thoughts*

i dont know if i shud accept it as a compliment ?

cuz i dont know if what they did was right .

but i dont know . u guys rock , i dont want to choose .

Soccer Match against CJ and IJ was a tie .

with more ball possession on IJ and Near Misses from Ij too .

haha , IJ rocks .

Sat which is today .

went to de cheerleading competition at PS .

Gosh , Theres Some Hot Stuff there .

RIGHT . MOVE ON JOSH .

haha , so May and Cheryl saw me and waved !!

thdn Cheryl came over and told me just to watch their slot and go .

cuz they wont win anything .

and i was like " WHY ?!?! "

" cuz we wont . *we're just here to participate face* "

i was like " WHY ?!?! "

haha , alrite . as u wish .

and soon gt to see the big schools performed .

some of em dint really perfected it , some fell .

some screwed up some parts .

well , IJ just dint perfect one part .

though their stunts were less impressive .

but they landed it .

unlike de large schools , full of huge stunts .

but some werent landed , some fell .

haha , just after IJ's slot de Mc asked how long has IJC been around ?

and it was answered 3yrs . haha .

so i thought . IJC can already soar so far in just 3 yrs .

give it another 2 . and it will be time to trash . haha .

so i dint went off as may told me to .

stayed for de results .

expecting something good .

haha, guess what .

IJ GT 3RD !!!!

WHOO !!!

Does That ROCK or WHAT !!!

IJ was like JUMPING and CHEERING !!!

HAPPY !!!

haha , thdn afterwards Cheryl spotted me .

came over . dunno wanna give me hug or what .

too happy already , so i offered a hand shake .

and thdn may saw me .

no time to hestitate to give her a handshake .

she just like hugged me .

IJ ROCKS !!!!

left round 5 .

went to de Somerset Skatepark to Meet My Friends .

To Join de Fun in " Da Sho' Case 3 "

Rap , Breakdance and street dance competition .

Hell yeah FUN !!!

Gosh , aint updating de details on it .

just know that u missed out A HELL LOAD OF FUN .

dint know de Singapore Street Ppl would be like that .

hell yeahh .

Have Yet to Study for Bio and Econs .

Garh , i know i dont have to . but its my own target .

have to do it .

ived gt to reach de stars , no matter what .

and im still not okay .
everyday's a war within to rid of u in my mind .

I dont think she knows de word fun . at all .

thats alrite . nxt entire week's de camp .
motivational talks / stay over at changi camp .
going off to sea and much more activities .
and guess what . im grp leader .

Good . I gt 1 week to Pump up my Spirits .
1 week to refocus .
1 week to forget .
1 week to unfalter .
1 week to get rid of de thoughts of her .

nevertheless , i know .

if its fate . we will meet again .
if its not . i thank you .

My Heart's nt beating correctly .

2007-03-20T23:18:00.000+08:00

Ij was R Fun Today .

My ClassMates !!

Hell yeahh !!

=]

Oh , Gt To Know Cheryl from im nt stupid (selena)

Had lunch with Together with her and ClassMates .

Haha . Awesome Ppl .

They Are Pretty Inquisitive Bout Me From a Tribal Bloodline .

Haha . " OH !! Can YOU DO THE RAIN DANCE ??!?!?!"

" DONT EAT ME !!!"

and they asked tonnes of questions !!

haha

felt like i was interviewed on tv mann .

but it was hell fun .

My Mood is Low today .. had too much to think .

though i made gd impression .

but i still think i cud do better . much better .

cuz of my heart . ived let me down .

who cares . life still rocks .

Saw a Girl That Looked Exactly Like Sharifah in IJ .

Shit .

When will this torture end baby ?

De Heavens . This Aint Fun .

Id Pray ..

But Im Dead Both Ways .

Well . At least Its not her .

Or is She ?

So I tried .

at least made her have a good time .

just like old times = j

was being spontaneous de whole time .

gt de ppl around me all laughing .

haha .

cuz she was sitting right behind me .

i had to . sorry .

Sorry baby .. i missed u too much .

2007-03-19T21:45:00.000+08:00

Talk to me .

Please .

Cuz this aint the way its supposed to be .

i have 2 days to make the decision .

i cant stay in ij for long if im gg pj .

My heart makes sense .

My mind beats .

all that seriously matter are just your thoughts bout it .

and im nt even sure if i could talk to u .

cuz u might get the wrong idea .

this is the most retarded shit ived ever been in .

and she's the dumbest smart person ived ever met .

talk to me u moron . i need to kick ur ass .

2007-03-19T21:24:00.000+08:00

Hey girl, what is everythin u wanted in a man ?
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand
So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...

Now girl, I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now
And maybe I should do the same
Funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you, babe
And now, it's all just a shame
And I guess I was wrong

2007-03-13T18:42:00.000+08:00

HEYY !!!

Supp ppl .

me arrepiento for the evanescence .

Right , Worked .

Sold 10+ k worth of goods in 4days .

$$$ =]

A Projector Caught My Eye .

Coming in Late April .

Plus Full Sound System .. Hell YEaHH .

Have Been Foolin Arnd with de Bmx .

Was Constantly at de *skatepark* at teck whye .

Learnt to come down de half pipe .

Learning to jump off it .

Twisted My Wrist . Jacked my backbone . Heads a lil wrecked .

Alls Well , Im All healed in no time .

Haha . Realize that something is missing at plaza ?

well something is to be missing again at fajar . two .

=] hehehe .

FY ! faster come back lar .

24th this month .

Alrito .

Have Been Posted to ij .

Went for appeal for both ac and pj .

for ac there were 500+++ applicants .

so they cant interview . everythin is based on a report .

so pj i was interview by de Principal .

Well , presented my case .

and mark down each and every on of my qualities .

things ived done , planned , worked out etc etc and records .

personality , they way u present yourself . important .

in the end , Mrs Tan was rather impressed .

She was Nodding all de while . =]

Rather too amazed with de difference from prelims .

so she has no prob with my catch up =]

Alls Done .

all i need to do to get into pj is get de form of transfer to ij Principal .

Get de signature for de letter of acknowledgement for my transfer .

Thdn go back to pj and sumit it .

and suddenly something hit my mind .

I dont know . seriously .

all my friends wanting me to stay .

Heard im a Legend or somethin .

Haha .. Its Funny , Really .

IJ rocks .

Its totally my enviroment .

the Principal , a Top of de chart in MOE .

was Given Power . To Choose and Hand Pick ANY teachers from any school .

For the Formation of IJC .

A Whole New Way Of Learning . Where Everything Is Possible .

Teachers from Rj Vj Hj Acj And Special Teachers from each school are here .

Teachers Who were once Entrepreneurs ,Farming 200k for an Organisation .

Teachers who were scholars , olympic champions and stars , dj's etc .

Its Way Cool .

Miss Mal Mr Ng Mrs Ramesh Are in too .

Alls Too Lovely .

They Have A Music Studio , A Dance Studio and many Other Facs .

Like de Swimming Pool in de Future .

De School Looks Awesome . Has a Lil Of a Skate Park Theme .

And Looks Like a Nice College at the same time .

Their First Batch Grads . 90% Qualifications .

No school's first badge has EVER done that .

School's Philosophy's Pretty Much "Impossible Is Nothing"

School's Song Composed By Dick Lee . Sounds Great .

Went for a few Lessons in Pj and Ij .

IJ Lecturers Rock . Funny and Comprehensive .

PJ's Lect's Rather Dull . But No Doubt de Teachers will Help Out anytime .

Programmes Like Pursuit of Passion ,

Whereby u Get Support for Reaching Your Dreams .

Whether its being a businessman , doctor , dj .

Your Back is Covered and the path's shining right ahead .

Their CCA's Over 30 plus variety .

And Many already winning and owning competitons .

beating schools like ac and vj .

and thats only their first badge .

They Have A College Media , Where Broadcastings are done all the time .

Dj's , News Reporters , Musicians . All Around .

Under de Cca New Media Arts , IJ's The First Ever Media School .

Designed for the 21's Century .

And i Get A Cert After That .

Our School's Main theme are followed After Greek Gods and Stars .

Down to our OGs group name .

Innovians Rock .

If Ur interested , There's More at http://www.innovajc.moe.edu.sg/

And Im already starting to get known .

All This , But Where's My heart .

im still deciding .

I nv knew the Falter .

2007-02-20T18:37:00.000+08:00

Its family photo today !!

Haha . well . its heartening

Yeahh . and finally .

My dad’s in the portrait .

It was sorta fun I guess !!

And my eyes gt all teary for no reason .

Garhh . its de entire family !!

Grandbabe and grandude is in .

Dad’s bro and sis’s ~

As goes as all my lil cuzzies .

Haha , fun and luvy .

=]

2007-02-20T18:32:00.000+08:00

I saw this when I was asleep..

I was trapped ..

In a room .. part of a human project , to be use as weapons for war , or an experiment .

No , the experiment is already done , waiting to be implemented on us .

It was cold , harsh .

Everybody looked restless ..

Paranoid , in a paradigm , unknown .

A few of us know we should not be here .

The place was high , in the clouds , and the skies looked as if it was about to drizzle .

It didn’t end here ..

Ill finish this someday ..

Was it just a dream ?

2007-02-19T18:28:00.000+08:00

MUahahahahahahaha !!!!

Had Been Pretty much having tonnes of fun !!!!

AWESOME !!!!

OH YEAH !!!

FIREWORKS !!!!!!

Hahaha .

WHHOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELL YEAHH !!!!!!

Haha .

The Feeling ROCKS !!!!

Hahaha .

And Soon . De Devils Playground Struck .

AND I STARTED MAKING BOMBS !!!!!!!!!

YEAHHH !!!!!!!!
YOU GOT IT RIGHT !!!!!!!!

BOMBS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MUahahahahaha ~

WHOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hahaha,,

Okie …

Cool Down Josh ..

Cool Down ..

BOOM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHOOHOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hahaha .

Sorry , Cant Help It .

Ill UpLoad De Video Soon ,

Somehow . If Not ~

Ill Show Ya On My Phone If ya Meet Me .

My Largest That I Invented and Set off So Far

Had An Explosion of Diameter 5 Meters !!!

Haha , and I made a similar one but with 3 times more ingredients .

Couldn Bring Myself to set off that one .

Haha , well oh well . I am going to . trust me .

My Bro Showed Me His Collection of Air Guns .

Mann .. Awesome ..

Haha . and it hurts mann . it wouldn kill .

But would burst your Blood Caps on your head if it was shot directly .

Muahahahaha

Im going to smuggle it home !!!

Well . of course not the entire Gun .

Ill Get freakin caught ..

Haha . so the two geniuses thought .

And we decided to disassemble de gun .

And store different parts in different bags .

So de shape of de gun wouldn be there when its sent for screening .

Right . gnna do that .

Haha . and through de process .

Ived learnt to disassemble different kinds of guns .

And of course , with that against de norm mind of me .

I decided to modify some of them .

=]

and one of de shotgun Im bringing home now has more power .

YEAHH !!!

Hahaha , Hell Loads of Fun .

So My Bro”s and His Friends and Cuzzies All Took one .

And we’re off for Battle !

Haha . yeahh real life Counter Strike That Doesn’t kill .

But IT BLOODY HURTS !!!

Don’t get a bullet in ur eye .

I promise u it will pop out and we will have another real
Life episode of Happy Tree Friends .

Haha . Yeahh .

Ate Grandmother;s Cooking !!!

Gosh !! I Miss Them Like Crazy .

Mmmm ..

Oh . N I ate other funny stuff .

That I didn’t once tried .

Besides de Fat Tree Maggots That I Ate . ( They Taste Good Mann )

Bats ( I ate my minions ) , Deer , and other funny stuff that I cant spell in English .

Haha .

This time I ate a monitor lizard , some forest “cat” .

Ha . they both taste like chicken , just that de ML
Is Harder . and de Cat even Harder . ( its nt really a cat )

Ooo . and I found where my sadism came from !!!

MY Grandma !!!

OMG !!! They Way She Killed de Monitor Lizard .

Haha . She ROCKS !!!

Don’t Offend me . Ill Call Grandma .

Haha . Eh . Well .

She isn’t , She told me She Rather Kill Them Quick thdn to let
Them drip to death in pain .

Well , She;s still cool !!!

And life Lessons She Taught Me .

I Wont Ever Want her Dying ..

This Reminds me .. Hate it .

Im Dedicating My Nxt 5 Years To My Grandparents .

They Are The Most Awesome Ppl In My Life .

Hmm , Went To Chill As A Family The Other Day ..

Went Jungle Trekking again !!

Haha . but that wasn’t the point .

Main aim was to get to the waterfall !!

Haha . and there were muscles to dive for !!

And When We Gt There ,

Beautful ..

By The Waterfall is a Mini Beach surrounded by trees .

And many butterflies started playing in our sight .

A real beautiful sight .

If you played crimson butterflies the director;s cut .

Its almost the same . but much less creepier and much more lovely .

And we went diving muscles with my family ..

Haha . dad caught the most !!

And my lil cuzzies were busy playing pranks on each other .

Haha . I gt pushed down de top mann . fell down de waterfall .

Its bout 3 stories high K ?!?!!

Bloody hell ..

Well . I love it .

2007-02-10T16:43:00.000+08:00

My Family Wanna Send Me Overseas .

They Like My Results !!

But I Dont .

Yes yes , i Passed , Minused off 20+++ Points from my prelims in 2 weeks .

Genius , Whatever .

A Helpless Acheivement .

But Still , Good .

=]

Good or Bad .

Garhh .

hmm , 11 For Poly aint bad i guess .

Im in for Film Media and Sound (FMS)

Or Business , But My Family Background is full of em .

so needless to get into de course and learn .

My Family has de secret Formula embedded into our DNA .

haha .

So im gnna be a v/dj someday or a director .

and yes i qualify for a Jc .

But not Ac . =[

Still Gnna Appeal in .

Got Tonnes of things to offer =]

But if i still dont make it .

Off to de states i go .

maybe aussie .

Going to a college to be a doctor .

and if de business works out rite .

ived got both sides taken care of .

A lil confused rite now .

But i Believe all will work out fine .

Still Rocking !! YEAHH . I luv de crowd's Cheer !!

Its Time For MUY CALIENTE !!

inside out ..

2007-02-08T20:51:00.000+08:00

WHOOHOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAHH !!!!!!!!

=]

Finally , Im back !

Hmm , Well ..

Life's Been Totally Awesome =]

Having Funn With My New Bmx !!

WHOO !!! UNDERSTAND THE WORD " TRASHING "

Haha =j

And Been Pretty Busy with de business and all ..

Hope It works out all rite .

PARTY !!!!!!! YEAHH !!!!!!!!

Ahem .. Yeah let carry on .

haha . Guess Life's pretty much up all Fun and Games Now .

ooh . Had a Job . I Rocked there =]

and ived really gotten things up to de next level .

And Rocking A Crowd isnt that hard afterall .

Played TONNES of Pranks !!

HAHAHAHA !!! HELL YEAHH !!

How's Breakin into the school at nite " reshuffling " some stuff .

hahahaha . that was cool stuff mann .

and yeahh , ill remember 7th of jan .

Really Do Hope We Are Still Friends .

Contact me mann . Cmon .. At least Wish Me a Belated ?

Right . Haha . Guess i kinda found out what went wrong afterall .

And Hopefully , We can still Have Fun . Trashing u . haha .

Right . thats a reall afterall summary of what happened these 2 months .

And Joshe Is Back To Rock .

Oh . And Results is Out Tmr .

Fear is In The Eye Of The Beholder .

Joshe Takes it In .

Many Thoughts Ran My Mind These Couple Of Months .

and Through The Tonnes Fun i Had .

Guess Life aint bout gg to a Gd School afterall .

Cuz we're all in de end lookin for survival in de world .

and i think i got that pretty well covered =]

ROCK ON !!!

2006-12-09T02:24:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile since i was here ..

these few days has been cool ..

started work for irobots ..

haha . i dint want it for de money la .

cuz of sales . thdn tonnes of exp coming in .

Godd . its only been 3 days and i learnt so freakin much .

selling a robot is a gd training for de mind mann ..

tackle customers must use brain de . haha .

i seem to have fate with aunties/tai tais . can communicate v well .

haha . got tonnes of compliments from customers and trainer .

cool ppl all around ~

lawrence ! bloody hell .

he's 50 and he has 3 home theatre system at home !

5 tvs . and loves music and movies .

cool dude mann .

plus . he knows the world well !

must learn something from this old wise man .

Kris !! dude !!! haha . ur one of de most cunning person ived ever met !!

but nvm la ! at least you get the most sales !!

i like ur ideas as well . alls well !!

and u taught me that customers are not human ..

they are walking money !!!

hahaha !!! walao ... and the strategies u use ar ..

bloody jian mann .. but i like it !!

no wonder u opened ur own business last time ..

earning 10plus k / month . thats cool stuff .

but i havent got to knw what happened later on ..

but anyways . im sure to learn more about business from u amigo !

oh ! and mamasita is coming back ! i need to learn from her la !!

she's de sales goddess !!! 1 day sell 10 freakin robots !!! 10 !!!!! OMG

normal ppl take 8 days to sell 5 . aint Mommy a genius ? haha !!

plus she only help help only . somemore dunno much about de product !!

and flexible too !! telemarketing . any kinda sales ! muahaha .

thdn lawrence de trainer said : 'like mother like son .' muahahahaaa ..

yeahh . stuffs like i learn v v fast .

and first day only . recieve from customer .

"thanks for the EXCELLENT demo "

whoa . cloud 9 .

normal ppl is 3 days training .

me is 3 hrs . pro anot ? PRO !!!

no wonder like mother like son ..

hmm dunno about daddio .

His business sense is super also .

bloody hell la dad . slow down cann ?

ur freaking me out . My dad gt so pro meh ??

Joshe is happy .

Happy for many reasons .

for 031206 .

for 041206 .

haha . daya !!

for compliments .

for my dad's 20k . haha =x

for her .

for the exp .

for a few more .

hmm . =]

i wanna earn more thdn dad !!!

i recently found something on de net ..

im gnna be freakin rich soon ..

but as my amigos know .

i dont really care for money ..

its like a point system in a game ..

more points u win la .. thats all .

with money no money .. its de same josh .

but i do prefer de finer side of life . haha .

and if u think im contradicting myself here ..

think again .

dont regret .

dont .

cuz i believe .

if i want something .

i'll go get it .

dont sit and wait for miracles to happen .

do something .

and just do it .

u tried to get my notice .

did u ?

or nt .

cuz i dint notice u tried .

if u still dont change .

thats bye bye to ur life .

i wish u well ..

i hope and pray u see the truth to life ..

and if u did see what i have done for u ..

dont cry ..

its my rule to give thdn to recieve .

anywayy ..

look me up if u have something to say ..

find me if u need me ..

i will always be here ..

so long as you try ..

take care ~

haha .

im still curious .

really . really . really so .

nope . i wont get furious .

like ur funny funny wriggling toes .

J0sH - Yeahh . You are still Lovely .

2006-11-27T04:54:00.000+08:00

MOS will Be My New Gym ~

Haha .

Well Met Huan Yuet .

Cool Girl .

And Some Dudes Tried to Get Her .

Real Funny Stuff Happened Later On .

Oh . And I bet u killed Me with that 'Punch' In The stomach .

haha . Accomplice / Victim huh .

We Had Some Fun
U dance Pretty Well too .
And When i Told Ya Those Stuffs .
I Meant It Mann .
Which Coincide With That Debate In The Taxi
=]
Just Let It Out Freestyle Nxt time .

Danced with a Couple of Ladies .

Real Srry Ken . haha . and why de hell did u keep moving out ?
Get In and PARTY Mann !!! haha

Saw Selena and Another Lady Friend .

They Saw Me + I Saw Them = Party !!

Rocked With Them !!!

Damn !!!!

Total Booty Call Mann ..

WHOOO !!! ROMPE !!!!

Thdn After That . Met Belle and Baby At The Floor .

Haha . Pop Rockers . Wayy Cool .

Moved To The BEat with them Again ~

Dont Wnna Update Much On It To Be Visible .

Just Wanna Lay Low ..

Having Some Deep Thoughts ..

Ill Write It Down Somewhere Else ..

PARTY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway =]

Had TONNES of Fun There =]

Watching Dudes Trying To Pick up Girls With Their Retarded Pick up Lines Was Fun . haha

Well . Surprisingly , only some of em gt numbers .

Those ladies Were Out to get too .

You Pimp the Girls Im Dancing With .
U get Rejected . Simple . haha

Djs were alrite . Basically I have de songs already ..

The Bass Is Abs Most Awesome mann .

Thanks Ken ! Amigos For Life !

J0sH - The Gentlemen At The Dance Floor

2006-11-23T06:37:00.000+08:00

Beauty

The Beauty Of The World Has Two Edges ..
One Of Laughter ..
One Of Anguish ..
Cutting My Heart Asunder ..

Some Say ..

Beauty Isnt Real ..
That It Only Exists In Perception ..
That It Is No Quality In Things Themselves ..
Making It Exists Only In The Mind That Contemplates Them ..

Others ..

There Is Certainly No Absolute Standard of Beauty..
That Precisely Is What Makes Its Pursuit So Interesting ..

Something Of Beauty Is a Joy Forever ..
Its Loveliness Increases ..
It WIll Never Pass Into Nothingness ..

And Plastic Surgeons ..

Says That They Are Tired Of All the Nonsense That Beauty Is Only Skin Deep ..
Saying Thats Deep Enough ..
Asking What Else Does The World Want ..
An Adorable Pancreas ?

The Dictionary ..

The quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations , a meaningful design or pattern, or something else as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest .

J0sH

And Me .

I Say .

That .

Beauty Is How You Feel Inside ..
And It Reflects in Your Eyes ..
It Is Not Something Physical ..

Beauty Is Not In The Face ..
It Is In The Light Of The Heart ..

For People Are Like Stained Glass Windows ..
They Sparkle And Shine When The Sun Is Out ..
But When Darkness Sets In ..
Their True Beauty Is Revealed Only When There Is a Light Within ..

At First I Thought There Was a Beauty Defined ..
Thdn Now I Realized .. There Wasnt a Meant To Be ..

Its Something Of Soul ..
Something Meant To Be Felt ..

Im Not Saying That It is Perfection ..
Nothing is Perfect In This World ..
For Beauty Without Flaw is a Flaw Itself ..
And If Perfection Lies In an Imperfect Word ..
Doesnt That Make Perfection Non-existent ?

Shall I Compare You To a Summer's Day ?
The Dancing Fire Of The Night ?
Or The Rarest Of Gems In The World ?

How Else And How Long Would I Have To Wait ..
To Ever Embrace You In My Arms Feeling your Warmth and Every Breath ..
To Bite Your Lips And Savour Your Love ?

Your Sweet Gestures ..
The Fun I Had ..
Just For This One Chance ..
To Dare This Love ..

J0sH - I Hope u'll Like It .

2006-11-22T19:36:00.000+08:00

You Are SOO DAMN CUTE !!!!

Haha . Alrite .

Gt Me Dyed Today ~

Im Nt Sure If Its Nice .

Kinda Forgot How Black Looks Like Anymore .

Well Well ..

It Looks Nice To Me .

Or Maybe Cuz im just Tired Of Black Hair ??

Spawned For de New Look .

Alrite !!! It Suits What im Coming With ..

So Its gd ..

And If I Get Tired Of It Soon ..

Ill Dye it Black Back .

Haha ..

Im Starting To Like Macs Alot ..

=]

J0sH - Nervous Wreck .

2006-11-22T08:46:00.000+08:00

Chalet ~

Its Alrite .

Had Fun Meeting Friends Again And Crapping With Them During The Oh So Scary NIght Walk .

Scared The Crapp Out Of Isabel and Jasmin For a Second =P

Definitely Worthed it !!

HAHA !! =Ppppppppppppppppppppppppp

It Was Nice Seeing Them Again =]

Thdn It Was Fun Trashing The Other Ppl At DOA with Jann Lee

Haha , Basically Johnathan did 3/5 of de work .

I freakin Gt my Xbox confiscated Like A year ago.. boo ..

so i Forgotten How My Touches On de Gaming Board Works ..

Garhh ,,, Sucking at Ninja Gaiden Sucks ..

We Used To Be Ninja Gods .. What de Hell Happened mann ..

Rite Ken ?

Anyway ..

We Dint Manage To Do It ..

Cant Freakin Get The Meds ..

How Freakin sad ..

Guess We Werent In The Mood And He wasnt Evn Drinking any Stuff ..

WTH !!!!

NOT FAIR !!!

JUSTICE IS NOT SERVED !!!

That Nite ..

Some Girls Was Apparently Pissed Over Ppl Taking Over their Beds ..

Claiming They Wanted To Sleep And Had No Place ..

That Those Girls Upstairs Were Inconsiderate Taking The place Fer Chit Chat..

So They Called Me up To Tell them ..

I really thought They needed sleep ..

Or Rather .. Wanted Sleep ..

So i Did ..

And Almost Reaching There ..

My Frens Stopped Me ..

Thdn They Explained blablabla ..

Saying That She Just Aint Happy Bout Nt Having De Place ..

That She Doesnt Really Wanna Sleep ..

Wth ..

Okie ..

So I gt Down ..

Continue With Ninja Gaiden ..

Den Heard They Said Something Like i Didnt Called Them up ..

Which I Didnt la .. I was Stopped .. Remember ?

Well Later What Gt Me a Lil Heated ..

Was That I Told her ..

If Ya wanna sleep .. den ill Get Them Down ..

if U dont wanna sleep .. Thdn Stay here ..

They are sleeping/ sleepin soon already ..

Den Here goes ..

She aint happy cuz she wanted de bed ..

she wanted de air con ..

Den Called Me useless for nt doing what i was told ..

den two girls from de top come down ..

well they seemed fairly unhappy ..

a little out numbered ..

That's Just Crap ..

Since They Gt The Room First ..

Then They Have De Rights To Stay There ..

Madm Tan Slept Downstairs with all de noise ..

Knowing That She Hates Noise and Being Disturbed During Sleep ..

Jasmin Slept In the Other Room On de Floor ..

Are You Telling Me There's Not ENough Floor ??

Oh im Srry .. Your too High Class To Sleep On The Floor Right ??

Mr Lim Freaking Slept On The Sofa Cuz There Was No Freakin Place ..

And there u Were .. Making Fun of Him ..

And The Poor Two Girls ..

Feeling So Dejected ..

WTf ..

They Are Ur ClassMates mann ..

Besides .. Wth Did They Do to u ..

So they Are Sitting There ..

And U decide To Ignore them and give them that "ived won" look .

And You Put de Blame On me for nt standing up for you ??

what do i look like ?

so who to blame ?

The two Sweet Ladies Who Came to Stop me ?

Fine .. Their Fault Thdn ..

RIte ??

NO !!!

Wth ...

I Decided to leave the place afterwards ..

I dint even Bother To say Bye ..

Dont Blame It on Me again ..

You Took Advantage of a Gentlemen ..

I have No words left for u ..

Learn Some Class will you ?

Oh Yeahh ..

Heard U Guys wanna GangBang Me Again !!

Haha ..

And HEre i am ..

Bloggin AT home !!

Ur at Pasir Ris ..

Im At Bukit Panjang ..

Definitely Cant Catch Me ..

=P

J0sH - The Stars Were Bright .

2006-11-19T01:43:00.000+08:00

Your Lovely Eyes ..

Shall Never Fade ..

Till Love , Let Us Try ..

Will We End This Masquerade ..

J0sH - Falling Into Dreams WIth You

2006-11-19T01:00:00.000+08:00

Low ..

just Low ..

Im refering to the people she's talking about ..

Not Her ..

For all i know .. Im on her side ..

Not against her ..

i dont like retards who spread crap too ..

not that i care what they think ..

I Know its her comment u dumbass ..

Ived Lived 16 years to not know how to read u think ?

i dont deny i mistook about the camp stuff ..

Cuz i thought she's our badge or something ..

Whats up with the huge reactions ?

And now im the one with wrong facts ..

Perfito .

Im sure the world is full of understanding mature people who solve things with an open heart ..

as said . im nt gnna quarrel .

I dont want any thing to go bad cuz of this dumb issue either .

by all means .. if u still think im at fault ..

im taking the blame thdn ..

My Responsibility ..

Im To Be Responsible For Whatever Happened ..

Now hush ..

im nt wasting my breath on it .

bury the stupid hatchet will u ?

2006-11-17T23:12:00.000+08:00

Im srry Ur a Retard ..

Josh Refuses to Engage in a Battle of Wits with an Unarmed Person .

Dont Take My Patience For Granted .

I dont think u guys know ms13 .

Dont Get Me Heated ..

You will Fucking Die ..

Just Burn In Hell okie ?

Perro A Diablo

Absolutamente De Acuerdo A Quita De En Medio

BitchFit Yourself .

Fuck It off . Get It Lost .

De Amigo doesnt like to hurt .

So Burn it away ..

Josh - Dejame Tranquilo

2006-11-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

somebody kill me ..

Sorry For That ..

I didnt believe it ..

well .

Curiosity killed the cat ..

2006-11-16T16:39:00.000+08:00

Till Thdn ..

A kiss Will Do ..

To Forget ..

A Love Thats True ..

To Remember ..

I'll Dwell For Awhile ..

J0sH - The End Is NEar .. Playtime is Here =]

2006-11-16T16:14:00.000+08:00

I just Watched Braveheart again ..

Tears Down My Face ..

Im Feeling Every Bit Of it .

I Love That ..

I See A William Wallace In Me ..

And Like Him Will I Fall ..

Or Rather .. Had ..

This Endless For Freedom Is Almost My Life .

And I Will Never Forget ..

The Calling ..

This A Beginning Of the End ..

And A Part of My Life Will Follow ..

The Rest Will Fight On ..

Fight And Bleed ..

For Everything I Once Had ..

For a Freedom Ived Bled..

For a Dream Ived Lived..

For All That I Am ..

Death Is Calling ..

I am so Afraid ..

The Requiem Is Near ..

J0sH - Stand

2006-11-14T18:25:00.000+08:00

First of all .. Thanks For the Sweet Gift ..

No wait .. U owed me !! haha .

Thanks again anyway !!

I hope nxt time we open our mouths is nothing related to savouring the melt .

haha =]

Secondly ..

j0sh got sliced again !!!!

Amath is killing ..

thinking that i may finish entirely in 2 days work .

i am definitely crazy .

ill get round 50+ for p1 i think .

pathetic .

who knows . i may even fail p1 .

ARGH !!!!

This is crazy ..

im doing well for de rest of de papers .. i think ..

if my amath is going to stop me from my dream ..

im going bonkers ..

nobody to blame but se mua ..

se mua that didnt start early ..

wth .

now i have half the book to charge at .

and have another day to charge it .

i want my p2 to be near perfect .

i have to .

i must .

i must .

i must .

failure aint an option josh .

you are gnna hit the floor hard ..

you are gnna get angry at yourself for the past mistakes ..

maybe 0's will make me sober ..

to be that acheiver i once was ..

bloody hell ..

coming to think of it ..

i did do well when i was a kid ..

no matter what ..

and guess what happened ??

i dont wanna tell ..

i dont wanna remember ..

this just sucks ..

that hard a blow to a kid can kill him ..

respect the courage that he has to stand on his own again , will you ?

garhhhh ...

me want to reach my goals so badly ..

so so badly ..

i wanna taste the sweet fufillment and freedom again ..

garhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHH

thats it mann ..

last paper for amath ..

my all on it ..

one last shot .

its either you make it or not ..

gosh .. i missed the old josh ..

i hate my new self now ..

but that will have to work for me .

at least for the moment .

garhh .. i hate seeing my dreams go down ..

but its not dead yet !!

i want no requiem for a dream ..

thats right josh .

thats right ..

J0sH - Hunter Hunted

2006-11-13T18:00:00.000+08:00

Rumours ..

hmm ..

shud i care ??

nope ..

so long as my heart is pure ..

thanks to all who doubted me ..

ived wouldn be who i am today ..

=]

j0sH - i know im not modest . but its not like im a bad guy u know ?

2006-11-13T17:45:00.000+08:00

Personality Test

http://www.pulseware.com.au/site_pi.asp?p=wpa-13837&a=personality-tests&u=213293x3fe083&ms=y&sh=y

Yeahh . Arent ya Curios ? i know i was ..

2006-11-10T20:04:00.000+08:00

J0sH is Sliced !!!

I dont know for what reason ..

wel actually i do ..

That i had absolutely no mood for de paper today ..

i was thinking slowly ..

and i couldn finish on time ..

lost alot of marks ..

garhhhhh !!!!

after counting and counting preparing for de worst ..

i think i got an overall of 78 for Em ..

which i think im screwed if de moderation for A1 is 90 ..

Isnt that like 3 grades down ?!?!?!

HEY !!! ME WANT A1 s !!!

NOT B3s !!!!

Grrrrrr ....

J0sH no Cry over spilled milk ..

J0sH Will Work Harder For AM ..

Thats Right !!

Last Battle and im Not Gg Down !!!

srry to those who i zhuaied to .
didnt mean it .
i was delighted . very .
guess me got me med today .
=]

I Really Hope and Pray Me to Amato Will Be like a Shotgun to
close ranged enemies .
and Hope I get enough Ammo .
On second thought .
Katanas Aint Bad either !!

J0sH Gtta Go .
J0sH Gtta Move .
J0sH Gtta Flow .
J0sH Gtta Prove .

Adios !
J0sH - The Sage

2006-11-09T20:25:00.000+08:00

Im Happy I guess ..

Having to Have Cleared My Academic Enemies One By One ..

So Far .. I Havent Been Hurt Much By the Academic War ..

Damages Were Skin Deep ..

As I Look Forth To Fight Add Math ..

Hope I only Get Scratches ..

While Happy As Can Be ..

Wishing And Thanking The Heavens ..

She Didnt Even Gave a Look ..

Thats Down Right Crushing ..

Thdn Reasons Start Flooding My Head ..

Garh !!! What The Hell Is Wrong !?!?!

Yes .. Im Stupid for Going a lil mental over This ..

Srry I cant help it .. Its not like i wanted it to affect me ..

it just did like only God Knows Why ..

And it Affected My Mood For Geo Paper ..

I lost a Couple Of Marks ..

But its alright i guess ..

I told myself to stay clear and focus ..

Im not going down just for our eyes to meet ..

Though i very much wanted it to be that way ..

With The Silver Rain Pour ..
Crushing Flashes Came to Me ..
Hearing The Thunder Call ..
Breaking Myself Loving Thee ..

Im Thinking Too Much Really .. I Think ..

JosH - The Beat Goes On ..

2006-11-06T20:54:00.000+08:00

ALL THE WAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-06T16:20:00.001+08:00

God The Savior ..

YOU RULE !!!!!!

2006-11-05T13:05:00.000+08:00

Just Got A Letter From Ax .

Im Officially In Club 21 !!

Hell Yeahh !!

2006-11-04T23:43:00.000+08:00

Ever Since Primary School ..

Or Kindergarden ..

My Report Books Had Been Saying ..

Saying That i Have Great Potential ..

That i can acheive Great Results if Focused ..

Every year ..

It is the same ..

I have most things settled ..

in terms of personal skills ..

in terms of growth ..

know many rules of life ..

Have A Good Temple ..

A Dominant Eq ..

Lead ppl in their lives ..

ived been through Shoes..

a number of reputable things ..

Ived Fought The Good Fight ..

Ived Done so much ..

Why isnt it reflected in a report ?

Not That i Care Of ..

Well i Do actually ..

Thdn ppl in the academy can see me ..

Its all mental again ..

Its all Masks Again ..

So what ?

I dont want to Have Potential ..

So what am i ??

I belonged to a regret ..

Im a Wasted Talent ..

I dont want Potential ..

I want Fufillment ..

I want My Purpose Served ..

I want All That i Can give ..

I want What i Deserve ..

How Blind is this world ..

Im Sick Of The Lies I hear Everyday ..

Sick Of the Covering Up ppl Do ..

Sick Of The Stabs ..

Am i That A Wanted ?

Forgiveness Through Understanding ..

Need more breaking of myself ..

To Discover what is stopping me academically ..

Maybe The O's would be sufficient ..

Ived set up a scenario ..

whereby i win or lose ..

ill benefit ..

with all factors taken care of ..

that means i would still want to fight ..

and give my best ..

rather thdn taking the easy way out ..

i hate it ..

theres no room for improvement ..

no room for fufillment ..

enough room to hold all your great potential ..

again .. im saying this ..

i dont want to be a great potential ..

i want to be a great fufillment ..

i hereby pledge ..

My very best into this Battle so soon to come ..

Even if i Fall .. I Fall with Dignity ..

And When the Days of Lights Are Here ..

Ill Taste The Very Sweet of Freedom Acheived ..

Ill Make It ..

What More Thdn To Doubt Yourself In Times like this ..

It will only Cost You Your Fufillment ..

J0sH - Lets Strive For The Best We Can

2006-11-02T20:53:00.000+08:00

Just Keep Going Josh ..

Do That ..

One Shot ..

One Opportunity ..

All You've Got Josh ..

All You've Got ..

You Know How Much Shit You Will Be In If You Dont ..

Everything ..

This Is It ..

Have Faith ..

2006-11-02T20:51:00.000+08:00

Im Losing Myself ..

2006-11-01T01:20:00.000+08:00

Without Fear , There is No Courage ..

Let Me Be Brave ..

And Trust In You ..

Let The Angels Sing ..

Let The Mountains Bow ..

Let The Devil May Cry ..

With You ..

I Dare Walk The Valley Of Death ..

J0sH - At The Alter

2006-10-31T22:00:00.000+08:00

WHoohoo !!!

Hell Yeahh ..

Reason Why im Here now is that i Went ahead of Schedule !!

well just a lil ..

bloody mack !!

since when Amath was easy ???

Haha .. i think whatever got to hidaya that day got to me now ..

Hell YEahh !!!

Im going Crazy ..

Reason number 1 ..

Studying IS fun to me now ..*yes , im crazy*

2 . Im sleeping only max 5 hrs a day .

3. i screwed up my schedule .

4. i planned a new one .

5. im bored at the moment *while ppl are panicking*

6. im eating only a meal a day

7. i completed chem tys in 12 hours ..

8. ived completed physics tys in about 9 hours i think .

9. ived forgotten some bio facts.*going nuts over that**AFTER ALL THAT HOURS*

10. i waking every mornin now to see May Tan *definitely Crazy*

11. i Shampoo My Hair .. Have Cleanser On my Face .. While Brushing My Teeth While Doing Business .. * yep . craaaz- zy *

12. i was tired and had no sleep .. and waked routine calls .. So i mixed up cleanser with toothpaste that day .. * well .. at least my teeth are whiter ..not sure if it denatured my enzymes and i would have digestive problems *

13. I think math is fun ..

14. i slept with only shorts and no blanket with a 16'C tempreture .. with the fan on .. at me ..*need to increase metabolism rate*

15. i just fixed my mouse .. i dint know how de hell i did that ..

16. my ipod hanged .. going very crazy over that .. i gt it fixed though . =]

17. alot of thoughts are flooding my mind .. during almost every min .. every second .. pictures .. scenarios .. i want this so bad ..

18. those handprints on my window are creeping me out ..

19. things went bump in de nite .

20. i just made a list of why im going crazy ..

gtta go gtta go ..

j0sH - I Occupied Myself so i wouldn have to think of you .. Murder inc .

2006-10-31T17:07:00.000+08:00

Mann ...

I need Time Time Time !!!!!!!!!

Regret Not Studying In Previous Months and week ...

I just Need A Week's More Time ..

Im Improving so much ..

I Cant Even Belive It ..

Now All i Need is Just a Lil More Time !!!

Somebody Save Me ..

GARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gotta Keep Going ...

Move Move Move !!!!!!!!!!

Time's Not Turning Back ..

MOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-30T01:10:00.000+08:00

just a boy who misses his mommy's nagging and daddy's laughter ..

i miss the days firecrackers and explosives were first off my mind ..

i miss the days dad laughed , gave that smirk while he takes tons of money out of the casino ..

and said " doesnt your dad just rule ? " .

i missed his cockyness ..

i missed mommy's embrace ..

i missed mommy's beating ..

i missed the days mommy applied medication to my wounds ..

i miss my bro ..

i missed the time we masterminded operations ..

i missed the day he planted a stink bomb under my bed ..

i missed the days we turned the house into a mess ..

i missed the days we laughed and teased each other silly ..

i missed the joy of trashing other kids working together ..

i missed the brotherhood ..

i missed diving for muscles ..

i missed the beautiful waterfall ..

i missed getting mosquito bites ..

i missed fishing with grandma ..

i missed grandma's cooking ..

i miss the times grandma cried when she sees me ..

i miss the days we went up the hills ..

i miss the sunsets ..

i miss the fresh cool breeze ..

i miss the lil chicks ..

i miss camping in the woods ..

i miss catching snakes ..

i miss hunting wild boars ..

i miss setting up traps ..

i miss catching bats ..

i miss my village ..

i miss my amigos ..

i miss my army ..

i miss my people ..

i miss the glory ..

i miss the great wars ..

i miss the adrenaline rush ..

i miss the war cry ..

i miss the bloodshed ..

i miss the feeling of bringing down what we went for ..

i miss the celebrations ..

i miss the compliments ..

i miss being there ..

i miss the Mafias ..

i miss the prestige ..

i miss the suits ..

i miss the cars ..

i miss the black ..

i miss the escort ..

i miss the labels ..

i miss the airport limos ..

i miss the day i was lost ..

i miss the people i have held up when they fell ..

i miss the people that have cried for me ..

i miss the people who are feeling hurt rite now ..

i miss the people who held on ..

i miss the people that slept in that corner ..

i miss the people that understands ..

i miss the people up there ..

i missed gravity ..

i miss her more each day ..

its dumb ..

but yes i do ..

dont ask me why ..

im sick of feelin incompetent ..

surely the day will come again ..

a whole new season of my life ..

just to let everyone know ..

i remember you ..

for life ..

surely i wont want regrets ..

surely i have not much control over people's mouth ..

for if i pass cup of pure gold dust through 10 people ..

at the end ..

will the dust remain as gold ?

even if gold was not by your hands ..

surely you remember what you recieved ..

surely i spoke the truth ..

for the cups for me were passed with no intention ..

i am sure ..

but the cups that meant me ..

fills with dirt ..

where did all the gold vanish ?

love .. life ..

when will my life end ?

and when it does ..

what will i have done myself proud ..

what is this world after ?

you know ..

people look ..

but not see ..

people took ..

and not free ..

people speak ..

but not deliver ..

people seek ..

and not quiver ..

for what they are to discover ..

isnt what they thought uncover ..

know the truth ..

know the faithful ..

know the righteous ..

for what is a man greatness

if all is vainity ..

if all of not purpose ..

if all of not dreams ..

if all of not fire ..

if all of not will ..

For people cry ..

but not know why ..

Then people die ..

asking why ..

Seek The Values Of The Eternal ..

The Unfadable ..

For One day ..

You Will Leave This World a Phantom ..

A Memory ..

I rather take the pain thdn have caused anyone hurt ..

I rather feel Pain thdn nothing for you ..

I hate this weakness ..

as i endlessly hold a torch in the snowy night ..

Perhaps when one day we wont ever meet again ..

Perhaps you would forget me ..

For the times i tried ..

You know something ?

I hate regrets ..

But ill have to leave that to you ..

Love is something i want naturally ..

Not a Pursuit out of reckless sympathy ..

Ill be Here Always ..

J0sH - Still Missing You

2006-10-29T14:10:00.000+08:00

As Cold Wind Raids

The Felt Of Snow Warms

As My Defying Blade

Even When Roses Have Thorns

Josh - The Frozen Throne

2006-10-29T12:57:00.000+08:00

Was it all just a Dream ?

i feel tired ..

very tired ..

no josh ..

wake up warrior ..

be sober and fight on ..

i need clarity ..

i dont feel tired ..

i dont feel tired ..

i can fend this ..

i will fight this ..

i am fighting this ..

im just a boy ..

what have my ancestors put me through ?

leaving me here alone to fend for myself ..

im just a boy ..

what have my amigos done ?

fighting my war for me ..

ending one by one ..

for me ..

have i no clarity ?

have i no masks ?

nevertheless ..

whatever that does not kill me makes me stronger ..

maybe love will ..

ill never know till the day i die ..

the 0lvls is a challenge ived set up for myself ..

if i can repeat what is done in my previous battles won ..

i have definitely set it up a higher notch ..

now i can only hold myself close to Christ ..

For Wisdom he has shown me ..

For Strength he has put me through endless wars ..

For Passion he has ignited me ..

With The Love of God

JosH - For The Kingdom Of Heaven

2006-10-28T00:22:00.000+08:00

This Is Crazy ..

Everyday taking down average 15 hours of study is Crazy ..

Left with An Hour To Blog And Relax ..

De other hour broken down for 15mins intervals of break time and Food ..

Marathons are Fun Rite ??

Besides !! Bio Rocks .. Chem Rocks ..

Diego is Glad .. 60/65 for Chem ..

And Bio Yet To test ..

My Ss is almost Ready .. Got My Source Base 20/25

Got a few Careless and Lack of Explaination ..

All im Missing is de Memorizing part ..

Which Is Somethin i can Do with Speed ..

Im Doing Physics Later Till Tmr 8am ..

Sleepin Till 2pm and Get ready For Church ..

Returinin Home At 5pm ..

Starting Emath At Round 6 all de Way till Nxt Mornin 7 or 8..

Take a Nap .. Wake At 3pm on Sunday ..

Spend another 9 hours on Emath ..

Time to Change Body Clock .. Sleepin at 12am

Wake At monday Morning at 7am ..

Going to School ..

Do an Essay .. Do an Ss Paper ..

Pass It up To Respective Teachers ..

At de Sane Time Memorize 3 chapters for Ss ..*that was not a Typo*

Get Back Scripts .. Spot Mistakes ..

Remember Them .. Adhere To Internal Correction ..

Do 1 chapter of Amath ..

Sleep at 12 am ..

Repeat for Till Friday ..

Changes for Days of Thursday and Friday ..

Instead Of Memorizing Ss Memorize Geo ..

Ss is Done ..

Saturday and Sunday is Dedicated To Geo ..

Subjects To recap on days after 0lvl Paper ..

Timing Is allocated in My Personal Schedule ..

6/11 - Chem

7/11 - Physics + Eng + Bio

8/11 - Bio + Ss

9/11 - Math + Amath

10/11 - Amath (14 hrs)

11/11 - Amath (14 hrs)

12/11 - Amath (14 hrs)

13/11 - Clb (vocab) + Amath (7 hours)

14/11 - Amath (9am-1pm) + Amath (5pm - 12am)

15/11 - Amath (16 hours)

16/11 - Chem McQ

17/11 - Chem McQ

18/11 - Phy McQ

19/11 - Phy McQ

20/11 - FREEDOM

Josh - TO THE END !!!!!!!

2006-10-27T01:52:00.000+08:00

i bloody hell hate MCQs ..

Though i finished Chem and Bio Tys ..

It is Funn stuff .. im getting all scientific again !! Hell Yeah !!

Well Reason Hating ..

I hate Retarded Questions ..

Though They Are Funny and crack a lil of u sometimes ..

Eg . Bio Tys topic 16 Parasitism page131 question 3 .

How is Malarial Parasite Transmitted to humans ?

A) Body Contact ( HAHAHA )

B) Breathing ( WHOA )

C) Eating ( Eat What ?? Mosquitoes ?? * Eat mosquitoes of cuz get Transmitted* )

D) Mosquito Bites ( DUH !! )

E) Sexual Intercourse ( Yeah .. Just try having sex with mosquitos .. thdn we shall have Flying babies who's first words are only bzzzz bzzzz and more bzzzzz )

Haha .. And Plenty More !!

Retarded ..

At times they give u the wrong answers ..

And i can prove it !!

An Eg .. yes .. AN Eg .. Just one of de Few Hundreds ..

Bio Tys Pg 95 Q21 and Q24

Q21

Where is Urea Made In the Body ??

A. Bladder
B. Gall Bladder ( HAHA )
C. Kidneys
D. Liver

Answer Given : D. Liver

Q24

Where is Urea Produced??

A. Bladder
B. Blood Cells
C. Kidney
D. Liver

Answer Given : C. Kidney

Bloody Hell ...

De CORRECT Answer is of course Liver ..

But its disturbing when im learning de subject Via Practice ..
Making Errors And learning From them ..
One of de Best ways i absorb ..
Irritating McQs ..
Nvtherless .. Ill Carry On ..
This War Has not ended ..
And im Nt going down without a Fight !!

Josh - Knowledge Over Marks

2006-10-26T01:22:00.000+08:00

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain

Josh - The Pain

2006-10-25T19:55:00.000+08:00

When I was a young boy,

My father took me into the city

To see a marching band.

He said "Son when you grow up,

would you be the saviour of the broken,

the beaten and the damned?"

He said "Will you defeat them,

your demons, and all the non believers,

the plans that they have made?"

Because one day I'll leave you,

A phantom to lead you in the summer,

To join the black parade."

When I was a young boy,

My father took me into the city

To see a marching band.

He said, "Son when you grow up,

would you be the saviour of the broken,

the beaten and the damned?"

Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.

And other times I feel like I should go.

When through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets.

And when you're gone we want you all to know.

We'll carry on,

We'll carry on

And though you're dead and gone believe me

Your memory will carry on

We'll carry on

And in my heart I can't contain it

The anthem won't explain it.

A woman sends you reeling from decimated dreams

Your misery and hate will kill us all.

So paint it black and take it back

Lets shout it loud and clear

Defiant to the end

We hear the call

To carry on

We'll carry on

And though you're dead and gone believe me

Your memory will carry on

We'll carry on

And though you're broken and defeated

Your weary widow marches

On and on we carry through the fears

Ooh oh ohhhh

Disappointed faces of your peers

Ooh oh ohhhh

Take a look at me cause

I could not care at all

Do or die

You'll never make me

Because the world will never take my heart

You can try, you'll never break me

You want it all, you wanna play this part

I won't explain or say

I'm sorry

I'm unashamed,

I'm gonna show my scar

Give a cheer, for all the broken

Listen here, because it's who we are

I'm just a man,

I'm not a hero

I'm just a boy,

who's meant to sing this song

I'm just a man,

I'm not a hero

I -- don't -- care

We'll carry on

And though you're dead and gone believe me

Your memory will carry on

You'll carry on

And though you're broken and defeated

Your weary widow marches on

We'll carry on

We'll carry

We'll carry on

(Do or die, you'll never make me

Because the world, will never take my heart

You can try, you'll never break me

You want it all, you wanna play this part)

2006-10-22T23:47:00.001+08:00

Deciet ..

Lies ..

Rumours ..

Betrayal ..

Story ..

Cause ..

Effect ..

Source ..

Fatality ..

Will ..

Domain ..

Friends ..

Enemies ..

Blizzard ..

Warmth ..

Child ..

Truth ..

Kill ..

Abstained ..

Throne ..

a Stab in the back means nothing to me ..
Just try killing me .. You'll see why ..

j0sH - ARTHUR

2006-10-19T18:10:00.000+08:00

Today is an awesome day ..

First of when i open my eyes to this beautiful day ..

I saw my maid ..

I saw the time .. 750

I gave my maid the middle finger ..

i told her yesterday very clearly .. 0630 boleh ?

maid : yaa

josh : enam stengah ya ?

maid : yaa

josh : betul ?

maid : ya

ken called my house in de mornin ..(adapted from damieno)

ken : "CALL HIM UP NOW"

maid : " ya later 0830 "

ken : " NO !!! HE HAS OLVLS NOW !!"

maid : " ok .. later "

ken :" NO !! MUST CALL NOW !!!"

maid : " 0k now now .. who are you ?? "

Still .. She's forgivened

its my fault .. i should have asked her what time did i say ..

i shud have made fully sure she knew it was 0630 ..

i shuda change my "alarm clock"

shuda be prepared ..

its not bad luck ..

its cause and effect ..

no game .. stripped in 3s ..

dressed in 2 mins ..

took bag , calc and entry proof

run ..

pray ..

must be the sin ived done last nite ..

forgive me !!

i spoke in tongues ..

a Christian language that only God , Jesus , The Angels , Holy spirit can hear ..

shots ran through my mind .. but i was calm ..

reached the school at 759

wanted to run in to de lab .

thdn thinking ..

with this state of rush and stuff ..

how de hell am i gnna do well ?

so i rejected de decision ..

so school called me ..

they gave me de 4th shift

*holy lighting* * holy background chapel chior chant *

so i returned home . haha .

watched mtv .

prepared a lil .

went to school . again .

was with all de private candidates .

im de only clown wearing red .

they were all in jeans - dyed hair - piercings etc ..

now i feel like the nerd .. basket ..

its okie .. we are all social amigos !!

haha.. they dunno how to do de !!

funny .. de pendulum .. none of their length is longer thdn de table mann ..

dunno wth they doing ..

my intervals were 5 cm ..

from 40 to 65 ..

theirs are like what ..

40 to 50 ? intervals of 2.5 cm ? wth ..

it dint even reach de bottom of de retort stand ..

whoaa .. den 20 mins finish and change to chem ..

i took 35 mins la ..

cuz i was doing de recording twice for accuracy .

awesome .. they look like they got ahead of us in life ..

after prac they told me they screwed up ..

haha .. at least they gt chloride la huh ..

funn ppl !! nice to have some private candies as frens mann !!

okie !

gah .. nvm ..

prac was easy ..

juzt screwed up de answer at de back .. forgot to write chloride ..

1 mark down ~

first time i enjoyed practical !! haha .. cuz i knew what to do ..

and its kinda interesting to see the expected results and stuff ..

realized how much ived been missing in school .

argh .. time time time .. what i need is time now ..

idiot .. but nvm .. de rest shud be correct ..

and being colour blind is exhausting .. FOR THE TEACHER !!

haha .. and a complete waste of time .. every 5 mins gtta call her up ..

and she has to inspect and tell me if theres a ppt and warna of soloution ..

and there was this really hot looking girl ..

wth !!! DISTRACTING !!!

thdn again .. she was dumb enough to do some stupid stuff in practical la ..

retarded la .. i hate bimbos mann ..

anyway .. gtta thank de heavens ..

yes He taught me a lesson ..

actually quite a few today ..

anyway .. its been a long time since ived felt thrilled ..

it reminds me of some stuff in de past ..

haha .. bet i made a BIG HOO HAA !!

lol .. thats de josh

the one that lives on the edge

funn stuff !!

awesome ride ~

2006-10-14T18:06:00.000+08:00

i knelt before the alter and cried ..

Im sorry Father Lord ..

Its time to draw strength from you ..

and humble myself before you ..

though this battle for one is killing me ..

i have to fight this with you ..

and i need your touch to heal my wounds ..

My God , My Tourniquet ..

Come back to me Salvation ..

Josh - Warrior Within

2006-10-13T21:55:00.000+08:00

so close ..

destruction ..

my inferno is dying ..

soon there will be a warmth ..

and soon , everything will be clear ..

josh - the angel won this time

2006-10-13T20:40:00.000+08:00

2 DAYS

BELIEVE

WITNESS THE DEVIL

2006-10-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

3 YEARS WAITING

3 DAYS LEFT

AS I WATCH YOU FADING

SO NEAR MY LAST BREATH

WITNESS THE START OF DEATH
WITNESS THE DEVIL

2006-10-11T18:05:00.000+08:00

Dark , this is so dark .

im feeling the light again .

the light so bright .

i can feel the body crumble .

as white and black battle for one .

my soul cant take this communion anymore .

i feel as if im Prince of Persia : The Two Thrones

Anyone who completed the game should know how im feeling rite now .

thdn again , maybe im just two person in different times .

when the dark warrior takes over , though they serve the same purpose ,

he is more powerful , but he needs the sands of time for survival .

whereas the actual self that needs not , is weaker .

sands of time are precious .

they let you undo your mistakes from the past .

as long as i have the sands of time , i survive and rule aint it .

that is right , i do not know what is happening to me ,

but i feel as if i have to do some destruction .

fuck that incident ,

yes i won , so what ?

ived fought so hard to win ,

but in the end , it didnt matter at all .

in this school i start anew .

ive fought for who i am .

lost the prestige .

someone's out to get me .

i wanna fend this myself .

Protect me ? bullshit .

try protecting urself first losers .

call yourself professionals .

Mercernaries , how can i forget ?

sweden and nepol .

i guess nobody remembered the day they made me tear

i condescended to washing cars ,

remembered what u guys did ?

though it was just an ippw . aint real .

i just told myself to bear with it .

and i forgive them .

for they do not know what they are doing .

who they are offending .

and i dont have to prove anythin .

i just want my peace .

This world is killing me .

as i do my best to hug my values close .

honour , dignity , respect

the few importants .

they do not know this .

why do i speak in a tone ?

there must be reasons to it .

and im not telling you why .

im not even suppose to say anythin related here .

but u guys are too stupid to find out anything anyway .

those "guardians" can nv find me here .

i wonder if the simple life is gd .

is the what u called fate ?

doubt it , its called cause and effect .

as far as i have the conditions to be spoiled .

i want to do this on my own .

cuz that is what life is about .

values , not materials .

im angry not becuz of what happened .

im just god damn hate the way they do things around here .

insensitive with the words they say .

logic is all that matter ? fun ?

always hiding , always thinking what ppl would think of them .

even in love , isnt it supposed to be true and open ?

isnt it supposed to be lovely and sweet ?

since when did cold battles blind them from each other .

everything , isnt supposed to be like this .

im still giving you time ,

but theres not much left .

if you think still that you are right .

if that you dont need me as a friend anymore .

if that what you want is to fend this world without me by your side .

if that you want to destroy the mask yourself .

im alrite with that .

im tired ..

here i apologize for all that i have done wrong .

here i forgive you ,

everyone has desires .

as much as i want to be positive .

im going let things happen .

its your choice now .

im not just saying this to one person .

say something or not .

keep a friend , or not .

josh - the throne

2006-10-11T00:05:00.000+08:00

FOR YOU

4 DAYS

TESTIFIED , I DID NOT WATCH U GROW

I WAS ALONE WAITING , FIGHTING , BLEEDING

NEITHER DO U KNOW MY PAST

SO DARK AND DEVIOUS ,

YET PRESTIGEOUS AND UNMASQUERADE , BEAUTIFUL

THE STREET WARS , THE POLITICS PLAYED , THE LIGHT BETRAYED , THERE THE VOICES FADE

AS FAR AS I KNOW

IM WAITING FOR YOUR WORDS RIGHT NOW

AND YOUR POSITIVE CHANGE IS INEVITABLY BEAUTIFUL

AND IF YOU DO NOT SAY ANYTHING

I FEAR I CANT STOP WHAT I AM TO BECOME

THE ENDLESS THRIST FOR BLOOD

THE NEVERENDING WAR WITHIN

ALL I NEED IS YOU TO STOP THIS BLEEDING

SAY SOMETHING BEFORE I BREAK

MY CHOICE IS BACK TO INDETERMINATE

YOU MADE ME BLEED
YOU BROKE MY CREED
WITH YOU MAY I BE FREED

WITNESS THE DEVIL

2006-10-10T13:33:00.000+08:00

DOES YOUR FACE WORTH MORE THAN YOUR HEART ?

5 DAYS

FATE IN YOUR HANDS
WHAT DO U NOW FEND
WITNESS THE DEVIL

2006-10-09T21:52:00.000+08:00

AS YOUR MASK FORMS BACK

6 DAYS LEFT FOR YOUR WORDS

MASQUERADED
BEFORE YOU FALL
WITNESS THE DEVIL

2006-10-08T14:19:00.000+08:00

INFERNO OF DARKNESS

WITNESS THE DEVIL

2006-10-07T21:36:00.000+08:00

How can i pretend not to see ,
what you hide so carelessly .

i know u deciphered that post a few months ago .

i know what u wrote behind that locked door .

and i ask , why did u say theres no turning back ?

ived told u . im nt at de playground .

if this is still a game to u .
im srry bout ur gnna miss .

reflect and think .
is this what u want ?

anyway , take care .
i cant be bothered anymore .
i have more things to settle .

Josh - living on de edge

2006-10-07T16:02:00.001+08:00

no turning back now .

2006-10-07T13:43:00.000+08:00

im srry for that .

im nt pissed .

just frustrated .

still friends .

i dont know what else to say .
im nt suppose to act this way .
keeping consciousness each day .
just to stay away from endless frays .

dont shoot yourself .

ived already told u .
this is not a game anymore .
everything is real .
please , wake up .

2006-10-07T00:00:00.000+08:00

tell me you are testing me .

dun make me fight for nothing that i can see .

belive it or not i still do .

and i really dont want u to let this go .

i can take all your shit .

but do i deserve it ?

tell me seriously .

do i ?

i dont want to give up .

i hate giving up .

show me that i have done something ?

a smile ?

any form of appreciation ?

i dont want to make you regret .

i dont want to hate you .

i dont want to let you waste yourself .

say something will you ?

spare a thought for me alrite ?

till you do .

i will assume u dont care .

dont regret again .

josh - get a bunch of people to come for me again . its fun .

2006-10-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

light .

stage .

man .

shadow .

as the world judges the shadow .
would ever so simple the sight of light ?

all the world's a stage .

and all the men and women merely play it .

josh - ask me about the light , and i might just tell you .

2006-10-06T23:31:00.000+08:00

you didnt say hi .

you didnt say bye .

like the fire will i die .

2006-10-06T08:01:00.000+08:00

note to all .

trinity and speed .

there is no time to waste .

after today .

i wont be around anymore .

im entering the core of the battle .

unless you are joining me .

you are nothing .

im casting everything aside .

out of my way .

i have to do this .

josh - the sympathy for the devil

2006-10-04T19:57:00.000+08:00

back to de josh who make friends smile .

=]

gnna sleep ,

waking for 2nd last lap of bio at 12 mid to morn .

josh - amigo

2006-10-03T21:54:00.000+08:00

yeahh . today was fun .

amatho was so easy la .

even though cuz dint study and would probably faill .

all u need is de basics of each chapter .

only few questions of interlinked chapters .

wtf . amaths week is not up yet la .

i dun wanna study amath !! TIRING !!

i passed de other time .

cuz i killed myself de day before .

and im t gnna kill myself again anytime soon .

bio is cool . can answer Anands questions !!

muahahaha . left 8 ++ chapt with bio . and bio progress of de class is slowwwww ..

like what . 1 week only cover 5-8 chapters ???

me is 5 hours 8 chapters . starting from scratch .

and its tough la . but have to do it .

hehe . after im done with bio everything shud be fine .

think i would have gain momentum by thdn .

1/3 through chem now .

and today's chem paper is easy like crap .

as daya said . nv study also can pass .

haha better watch my words . i dun wann it to be like geo .

okieee .

im getting fun again .

yeahh and thats gd . helps joshie to relax . =]

i think ppl are starting to see the point why school is a waste of time now .

anywayy , apologize for de previous posts on de staff and master sergents .

i meant no offence , *not that anyone of u had started beating me up*

haha , just in case u guys feel offended .

u guys are family mann !! we've been through thick and not so thin together !

hhaha . CCP . He's one of de very few that can really cheer me up . =]

Ma rocks ! hope u get well soon .

Daya u stole all my glory !!! but nvm , keep it !! its rightfully yours =]
haha , u make me laugh .

Jereme although u slack and make me do all de work and thdn claim de credits .
we made fun out of nothing and ncc becomes fun =]

The Monkey with long legs , u contributed alot bro . u grew in person as well !
nice job done !

okie , does it sound less harming now ?

haha . wthh .

O's in 2 weeks time .

and im running !!

shall end and go learn more bio !!

hmmm , London ?

nice place .

josh - subtle love

2006-10-03T00:15:00.000+08:00

amigos .

u know who u are .

we help each other out mann .

im here for u always .

we stick like brothers okie ?

now that u fell . GET UP !!!

we are rabbits .

those fucking tortises think they are so great winning de first race .

lets not sleep this time okie ?

although de tortoises are all de wayy in front .

i still think we can catch up mann .

i dont care if ur injured .

u dont win this race , ur gnna get mocked by more tortoises .

i dont care as well if they are just a minute away from de line .

all that matter is that we cross it before them .

and dont trip bro , we cant afford another rabbit .

no more wondering by de bushes to check out de nice raspberries .

no more taking our sweet naps .

no more running elsewhere besides the race track .

we must not stop no matter how sweet smelling the raspberries are .

we must uphold the name of all rabbits !!!!!!!!!!!!

lets run amigo . and run as fast as we can .

josh - no more

2006-10-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

i swear my maid is having pms .

this morning i dont feel any needles ,

i dont feel cold ,

i dont feel hot water ,

i dont feel whacks ,

i dont hear calls ,

i dont see light ,

i dont smell hair spray ,

why again ?

cuz my "alarm clock" decided not to again .

bloody hell , gnna set another alarm .

some intel are just meant to be ignored .

like failing geo cuz i dint write my question number .

all my 25 marks gone .

this time my results are just screwed .

and im nt gnna cry over spilled milk .

instead , i shall continue with my schedule and be happy .

relax a lil , while sticking to plan .

amatho test is coming , and im nt gnna study for it .

cuz its chem this week ! muaha .

speakin of that , theres mock pract tmr .

have been studying .

and the teachers aint happy .

theres gnna be nite study nxt week .

will go for it .

stuff that ii need practice .
math , ss , Eng .

stuff that i need to factualize/memorize .
bio , science , ss+geo .

simple .

and my bio is ruling .
muahahahaha .

2006-10-01T18:38:00.000+08:00

Glad you had fun .

josh - sacrifice .

2006-10-01T17:13:00.000+08:00

Tears of the sun .

i begin to wonder again what life is all about .

and the decision to skip ns isnt that now .

i ask myself what for .

ived learnt a hell lot of stuff in ncc .

im the best soldier there .

i realize everything was bullshit in ncc .

they promote u according to your grades .

reason i couldn make it ? grades .

reason i couldn command de parade ? Malaysian .

but what did i contribute ? pretty much and more .

i dont deny that i had stand down this year .

wasnt that hyped into ncc for de past few months .

but thinking back .

teamwork , leadership , endurance , experiences that not much people have in life .

do u know how much runs through your mind to kayak for 3 days around singapore ?

or even bite in the jungles of Brunei and learn training commando style ?

all this beautiful memories . Will never be forgotten .

leave no men behind . fight with everything you've got . one for all , all for one .

many values i hold dear .

i belive . in ns , i will rule .

cuz nobody recognizes this in ncc .

they probably give u a badge .

Even now , so what if i have the most number of and most prestigious badges ?

so what if you dont promote me ?

1st sergent is good enough , 2 ranks below de top .

plus i dont really care bout de rank .

ive learnt much more thdn any of de staff and master sergents .

i bet in ns things go much more differently .

i bet i will learn more to life .

i came to think why i wanted to skip ns for ?

cuz i wanted more time to make a million before 27 ?

not that im a materialist ,

Money that i earn is more like a point system in a game to me .

Nv a tool to flaunt or anything like that .

but one thing is for me . Quality .

i like Quality , and that sorta comes hand in hand with money in this world .

but Quality aint all about a 54" lcd tv or a 5 carat diamond ring .

its about experiences as well .

i belive this quest for knowledge and making it b4 27 is gnna make me live a life more thrilling .

thdn , i really wished i had more lives .

there's so many things i wanna experience and become .

but for me , looks like unless i live life again ,

i can nv have the best of ALL worlds .

multi-billionaire businessmen , pilot , rock star , sniper , doctor , life coach , DJ , artist , help the ppl in Africa , commoner and it will add .

you lose the essence of fully becoming one and seeing things in the perspective when u fluctuate across many .

but thdn again , its not impossible .

be a pilot , write some songs , become a rockstar ( which makes u an artist ) , use the money u earn to start a business , make it big , at the mean time learn to be DJ , learn biology be a doctor , and buy a sniper or maybe draw some cool stuffs . after that u can use your life story to motivate and empower other people . after i that im gnna go to africa and help out and donate a hell lot of money to charity and help those poor people . oh and what about commoner ? sighh , guess i cant be a commoner thdn . how saddening .

i dont want to die !!

i want to live life again and again and again .

till i get tired of it and die .

and when i die

well thdn again . People's thinking change from time to time .

no point thinking so far .

so many people are lost in their lives .

they dont know who they are . dont care why they are on earth for .

study for de sake of studying , earn money just to pay bills .

robots ! one day the system will fall mann .

right . no point thinking so far .

my only Goal now is O's .

and as long as i put in my best , i wont have any regrets .

besides , im a genius rite ?

i dont care if the world is against me .

all that matters are the words that are constructive .

the inferno inside .

its has to come out .

forget doubt . choose to fly .

and the hearts in de fridge are melting in my mouth .

well , so's mine .

life is hectic now .
maybe im being too hard on myself .
but i have to do it .

do u see me when im invisible ?

josh - the Questions .

2006-09-30T19:08:00.000+08:00

wake me up when september ends

2006-09-30T01:55:00.000+08:00

Met Dillan to plan for 0's .

we gt to know a lil of each other .

and he said "WHAT A WASTE !!!"

to me .

cuz he said with my intelligience, ingredients and personality i shouldnt be getting these kinda results .

i should be at the top .

Dillian thinks my enviroment sucks .

he hates de system in schools in Singapore .

Said my efforts and personality are meant for a purpose .

and said that the PEOPLE just dont see it .

anyway , we talked for quite awhile .

very philosophical . intriguing . and deep .

He belives . and by actually conveying this kind of speech to me and expecting me to understand .

he knows i knows .

and that is cool .

anyway , we got the planning started .

and he explained and told me wisdom .

"u fall , get back up and run faster"

"reason why people dislike school is because they lack a purpose"

"knowledge is power"

"infinite knowledge is infinite power"

"power is freedom"

and many more .

at least this is working .

i feel awesome , more focused and definitely motivated .

He's impressed .

but he's yet to know more of what ived done .

but at times like this is when josh humbles himself .

where de egoistic funloving josh aint him .

oh mann . u dont know what ived done and conquered .

maybe thats why when i say little things like being a genius .

im considered blowing my trumpet .

okie . you haven seen the real trumpet mann .

i forgive u .

thdn again , maybe i should just not say a thing at all .

anyway , josh is happy with his new friend .

its gnna work .

and fear is how i fall .

everbody fears , even subconsciously .

cuz sometimes ppl think they are fearless .

Dillian said i have a fear of achieving . and im not aware of it .

constantly running away from my fear subconsciously .

and thats when procrastination comes in .

thats it people .

you are gonna miss Joshy .

fear is in de eye of de beholder .

and as fearless as josh gets , he has to take this down first .

josh - the phantom conquerer

2006-09-29T11:14:00.000+08:00

wth , i skipped school again ?!?!

garhh . it isnt deliberate this time .

i freakin overslept okie ??

cuz i forgot to do de bio papers and thdn went to do it last nite .

besides doing , have to flip textbook and look at sources to learn and answer .

afterall this week is personal bio intensive for me .

garhh . i shouldn regret or feel anythin stupid .

okie maybe just a lil . cuz did so much and dint get to school and pass it up .

but in de end . i learnt something what , bio improved and i bet can answer Anands questions faster and better .

hahaha . bio is actually so easy . the only memorizing part is chap 1 to 8 .

thats ur basics . any other thdn what would be sexual reproduction in humans and plants .

the rest is pure understanding , read through can already .

but my read through is really read . understand in and out . left right , up down , everywhere .

hmm . i think she's tired . she really doesnt wanna stay up that late i think .

haha , gnna test her thdn , oh and im writing this here becuz ??

dont know . no reason .

i dont like her byes la . so draft and quick .

as if you are eager to go .

nvm that .

i maybe wrong , yes , before i get de overanalization thing again .

gah . ppl analazes stuff everyday .

simple things like , i think he/she is mad at he/she .

yes and times ppl get wrong things .

se mua is no exception .

but thdn again .

ppl think its fun being a supergenius and all , but they nv know how many idiots they have to put up with everyday .

so de Mr josh who solved many problems .

not math problems . but everyday life problems .

undo puzzles . decipher what ppl are hiding . keep ppl's secret this that .. try to convey it to ppl sub consciously .. this and that ..

hmm .. im starting to think im da vinci junior .

lol haha .

nahh .

if da vinci grew up in this era or this time .

he probably became something else ?

maybe a rock star . LOL .

or Beethoven ? He probably points a middle finger in de face of Maksim .

haha .

still , wished Einstein is still alive !!!!

u know , reason why i loved science last time and scroe almost full marks everytime .

is becuz of him . ( and endless hours of Dexter's Laboratory , lol =P)

yeahh , and pretty interested to know about how life works and stuff .

now , in school . teachers teach for marks . not knowledge .

mr physics lim is a very good example .

his lessons ???

BOREs de hell outa me .

well i heard of E1's physics Neo .

She teaches for knowledge .

and that is cool .

E1 went to his exhibition thingy .

they saw quite alot of cool stuff !!

joshy wants to go mann .

no fair !!

well , thats de science that i like .

interesting and applicable to life .

science used to rock .

used to want to be a scientist .

used to invent stuff here and there , well not really invent .

just made things out of things .

one was a robotic arm and a remote control car put together .

kinda big size . so it can help u take stuffs at home .

what bout de remote for both ud' ask ?

just stick them together la !!

haha . and that was done when i was like 9yrs old .

got a few other inventions with explosives !

haha . that was really fun and useful during CNY in Sarawak .

muahahaha .

ooook .

now that i didnt eat for alreadyy 21 hours .

and i dont feel that hungry now .

gosh , im dead . ived attained super low metabolism rate .

DIE !!! later eat abit den de body will absorb so much .

uhoh , hmm . will slowly increase later .

hmm or at de mean time . lower it sommore so i can outfast Ghandi !!!

muahahaha . okie la . that one . after de 0's or when i have completely nothin to do other thdn lose weight . den i will .

josh's stomach = power

haha . no la , got more power thdn me de .

heard of 40 days before ??

haha . okie .

now , think ima go eat .

and do more bio .

maybe gg to school later to pass stuff .

okie alrite . time to go .

josh - returning to the eyes of 5yr old josh . intriguing .

2006-09-28T18:56:00.000+08:00

joshy .

joshy burned his fingers today .

joshy says its pain , and when joshy says its painful , its really painful .

joshy is fuzzy wuzzy no more .

joshy ran his fingers with water .

joshy took good care of his fingers .

joshy's finger is alrite now .

joshy feels sad .

joshy dont know why .

joshy doesnt like her grades compared to his .

joshy feels stupid .

joshy wonders if she belives in him .

joshy's starting to think of things .

joshy's losing confidence .

joshy wishes she says something sometimes .

joshy feels lonely now .

joshy is getting angry at himself .

joshy wants back the little boy he was .

joshy's getting tired .

joshy hugs his angels .

joshy will fight .

joshy . " this is not your standard " twice .

joshy . maybe its just joshy . maybe joshy caused her to slide . just a lil .

joshy loves chocolates and honeycomb .

joshy is gnna leave his amigos for awhile .

joshy hates some ppl . really .

joshy thinks de olvl is similar to psle .

joshy aint gnna care bout anything now .

joshy's gnna do his best , gnna do it with style .

joshy thinks the school should teach for knowledge , not marks .

joshy knows secrets .

joshy feels this is it .

josh - Einstein with a rock guitar is my reason .

2006-09-26T18:21:00.000+08:00

nicely .

first . i got my mentor .

guess who ?

haha . its awesome . he's great .

and he's jealous of my hair !!

haha ! he really tld me that when i was talkin to him outside.

plus he thinks its cool mann .

BUT ! he wants me to cut it .

gah . and obedience is the first step to freedom .

i understand . sighh . to think i wanna save it for prom .

i shall obey , mentor .

secondly . im burning .

burning cuz todayy we realize a snake in de drain .

someone told me .

so i went to check it out .

reached there , there was already a buch of sec 1's and 2s surrounding the drain .

i saw de snake . recognize its a grass snake .

harmless . no venom . bites like a lizard .

it was about 1.2 m long .

but at de 3rd quarter i saw a a fold .

de snake had a fold on de third quarter and was injured .

whyy ?? cuz that mutherfucker used de hard end of a broom to stabb it .

assholes . snakes are animals too .

not to mention one of my favourites .

Godd . poor snake . i feel ur pain mann .

imagine ur 3rd quarter of ur backbone get crushed .

mutherfuckers . heartless . useless . impulsive bastard .

guess what he said ? " i wanted to protect humanity "

ppl like u bring down de quality of humanity .

gosh . if i was there earlier . would have caught it and send it to out OM .

he knows me i sorta know him . well , lets just say we know nature .

he came and was sad as well .

u loser . u shouldnt have hurt de poor snake . and u thought it was poisonous ?

its freakin mouth is small and his head is not even de least arrowed .

its just a harmless grass snake !!!

not to mention theres a huge hard heavy metal covering the drain .

the snake cant even get out .

just bloody stay away from de drain if ur afraid of de bite .

and so u decided to "protect humanity" by stabbing it huh .

i doubt so cuz u said it in a jokingly and proud manner .

cuz what ? u wanna show of in front of de girls that ur a man ?

you are immature and retarded .

wanna show em ur a man huh ?

catch it like a professional .

dont hurt de innocent .

sorry grass snake . i wasnt there at de rite time .

sigh . i miss my spider and snake .

u cruel ppl . ill get tarzan to kick ur ass .

thirdly . got back eg p1 . and oral marks .

GAH !!! wth .

got freaking low for composition .

anyway , i just couldn belive it .

i did my best .

basket . so i went to ask miss ng .

she said she doesnt understand what de hell im writing about .

untill i explain every sentence to her .

and i keep hearing " thdn say so !!!"

i was missing one very very important thing .

the understanding of the reader .

basket la .

although she says everything sounds nice and well put together .

but she just doesnt understand .

and after explaining . she understands alot more ..

bloody hell , what can i say ?

im complex ? my fault that u dont understand ??

got comments from deviga and dorcas .

devi said it sounds very nice and all , but hard to understand .

she also said its like going to an ancient tomb and reading nice ancient scriptures .

but she doesnt really understand no matter how cool it looks .

dorcas says she understands abit , just unclear .

wth . . .

im missing explaination .

maybe im just used to writing in this manner .

mann , if thats de case , i think da vinci failed english too .

anywayy . gtta see miss ng tmr .

i need to re-write everything again but this time make my points clear , simple and understandable .

btw , i gt 16 for oral . highest in class . together with kenneth .

not sure bout de girls , but heck .

i bloody hell shouldn be failing any part of english .

this isnt the way they mark in river valley . isnt the wayy im taught .

even cheong pau's GREAT tuition teacher critcizes miss ng for scrappy work .

grrr , im glad miss ng understood my essay after explaining each sentence to her .

no wonder einstein got kicked out of school .

teachers . mentor is right .

teachers like to do things de "correct way".

sigh . guess i need to follow rulez now .

and i still hate that guy for harming that harmless snake .
bloody hell , was it even a threat ????

and mentor rulez !!

even though some ppl totally fall in love with my hair .
u know , its an extreme case . its either hate or love .
but guess ima get it trimmed soon .

fourthly . curiosity killed the cat .
i shouldn have went to find out what happened .
now , i feel like asking you whyy did u do what u did .
u dont know i know .
and i think ur really asking for it .

your secret is with me .
even though u have no clue that i know .

and i wanna forget i know this .

thats all that happened todayy .

ohohh . that EN game thingy ,

expert with 520000 points .

heard there's a master lvl .

but doubt anyone reached there yet .

i am pumped .

no more amigos for me .
no more senoritas for me .
no more funn for me .
no more .

till de hell in 6 weeks is frozen over .

maybe impt things here and there just to catch up on each other .
im sure ill miss u guys ..

well , kinda decided ima go aussie .
but thats after jc .

but i wouldn know ,
may just leave u guys nxt yr .

and i hope i miss u .
though i know i will do miss some of u .
ALOT .

haa . take care amigos . =]

2006-09-25T20:31:00.000+08:00

How's school today ??

murder .

gosh , how much will i have to put up with for these 2 weeks or so ,

not reaching home like an injured bird with broken wings .

well , mr dillian whelan came todayy .

was realli hilarious when he totally made a joke of my hair .

i laughed at myself ! haha . maybe im retarded .

besides that he gave that accent and style thingy . awesome .

also i saw him during the motivational camp ,

fyi . the person lhark wasnt so happy with was him .

i came to realize . this dude is somethin mann .

he has this world org thingy and gave seminars .

gosh , half my dream is already accomplished by himm .

hhaa , but he;s lil too old fer me . i dream to make it by 27 .

anywayy , what he said was so bloody true , people skills are what thats keep this world going .

sociology and the ability to work with others is a crucial quality to have .

besides , he was a good encourager .

said things like whyy put a person down when he's doing his best to go up .

well yeahh . do your best and do it with style .

maybe de amigos dint really catch him .

but i find i work better with ppl like that .

maybe thats why im de top scorer in adam's course ?

out of 80 ppl or so .

well yeahh . that was where i ruled . lead the ppl and show ppl whats life about .

and i thank adam and his crew . for opening this up for me .

gosh i miss u guys . im coming back at de end of de year alrito ?

gnna go be a coach . =]

anywayy dillian dude is right .

ill probably get him as my temporary mentor .

no more games amigo .

you gnna go ,

you gnna see ,

you gnna conquer !!!!

just like any other wars uved had josh .

feeling at the end is so great isnt it ?

anyway , i find the teachers belive in me too .

just that they get a lil pissed with my results .

but they do truly wanna help me .

and i guess we could come together and beat it down like a team .

u may think the teachers are scolding me is demoralizing me and stuff .

gosh . they do know me .

mr annand for instance .

okie . ima take your hand mr annand .

and quite a number of other teachers too .

in fact , i think all of em do .

alrite . no face values ppl .

come with a open heart .

whyy do u need to care if u appear weak now .

what u really need is to get up there .

dillian is rite . no masks ppl . no masks .

im a effective dude , this is not bringing me down .

but first , gtta take care of my body .

its getting weak . and im fasting even longer thdn de malays .

this war has not ended yet .

im not going to fall again .

and success is the only option i can take .

gtta work amigo . gtta work .

move aside ppl .

2006-09-24T20:01:00.000+08:00

is this where it ends ?
what couldnt i give in ?

till i find u here with me
beneath our walls this chemistry
and if it werent for yesterday
would u still belive in me ?

im begging for ur reasoning
did u love me anyway ?
and if it werent for yesterday
would u still belive in me ?

doesnt she fail ?
doesnt she falter ?
when im not around ?
she makes me feel like falling down .

doesnt she fail ?
or falter ?
when she calls my name ?
and im not there to heal the pain .

2006-09-24T02:22:00.000+08:00

okie , partty is over ,

left with a sundayy to rest .

to prepare for school for 2 weeks .

wth .

supposed to have a months break and all .

now this really screws up my personal time table .

and i dont like it .

bloody . just have to put in extra effort mann .

u can take it josh , just do it .

and this 2 weeks in school is gnna be sick .

teachers will be disappointed , angry and blablabla at me .

well , its what i deserve .

i bear full responsibility .

so yeahh josh .

take a good rest on sundayy .

and prepare to face the music in school .

ppl will laugh , be cynical , tell me off , demoralize me .

and u know what ?

im still gnna belive in myself .

just like i did for 2.4 km .

u will be surprised , awed , and shocked .

and by thdn . maybe i wont shake ur hand .

this 6 weeks after prelims is crucial .

the water is getting much hotter .

and good tea brew best is hot water .

rite ?

maybe i see too much in things .

probably thats whyy prelims doesnt scare me .

okie . ima gnna make O's scary .

when im afraid , i go all out to break that fear .

alrite .

all talk and no action is for crappers .

gtta work josh . gtta work .

will still write bout life here .

maybe to record the thoughts that run my mind for this 6 weeks .

josh . just do what u do best .

ur gnna defeat this barrier like any other ones that u had broken .

just do it .

the fallen angel has a destiny to fufill .

out of this world i will be .
fighting at a mental state for thee .
and may after the battle i be free .
attained wisdom like a thousand year old tree .

=] impossible is nothing

2006-09-23T23:37:00.000+08:00

=]

hope u like it .

2006-09-20T01:35:00.000+08:00

tired .

of family .

of friends .

of love .

of judgements .

of offering my hand .

of vengence .

of masks .

of ur sorrow .

of seeing the unknown .

of deciphering .

of creativity .

of honour .

of bloodshed .

of being a gentlemen .

of keeping secrets .

of lying for u .

of motivation .

of standing alone .

of solitude .

of fun .

of smiles .

of colours .

of words .

of expectations .

of encouragements .

of breaking the impossible .

of letting myself be pushed .

of waiting .

of that disappointment in ur eyes .

of proving you wrong .

of lies .

of respect .

of searching .

of getting out .

of pain .

of healing .

of being the one .

of walls .

of darkness .

of light .

of everything .

cant i fall ?

think what you want .

i have nothing left in me .
there's nobody left .
except myself .
this world is killing me .
is money all that matters ?
are face values all that everyone cares for ?
are grades that important to your life ?
are you fighting for something ?
something worthed fighting for ?
your life consist expectations .
of other's expectations ?
are you gnna lay on your death bed and ask .
what have i done in my life ?

i hate all of you .
you are nothing but robots .

whats all this massive fortifications of your castle ?
when there's nothing to conquer inside ?

when the world is against me .
are you going to doubt me too ?

a sheep , a follower .
thats what you are .

do you not see the sorrows and beauty of this world ?
is that why you aimlessly fight for nothing ?
blinded by yourself .
binded by yourself .
betrayed by yourself .

whats love to you ?
to see my reactions to your coldness ?
fun ?
how many times have i told myself ?
how long will it take before i see your face ?
when will this break in my heart be mended ?
all thats left alone by me .

i cant stay here anymore .
your secret angel .
has fallen .

do you not see the masks ?
do you not hear the lies ?
do you not feel the pain ?
do you not taste the bitterness ?
do you not breathe deeply ?

i dont .

i see the person behind the mask .
i hear the truth behind the lies .
i feel the well being thats yet to come .
i taste the sweetest freedom .
i breathe life .

and ived fallen .
on my kness .
in despair .
my wings broken .
promising to fly again .
would you not console me ?
would you not give me ,
the peace in mind that i generously gave ?
demented .
all thats left alone but me .
i am not afraid .

in prayer , my soul cries for deliverance .

get lost .
i want to walk alone .
without this world .

angels surround me .
i need your shield .
i need your sword .
defend me from this world .
spread your wings and embrace me .
unlike any human beings .
God , in you i trust .
im coming back Lord .
open the gates , let the angels sing .
guide me home .
take me from this fall .
away from this world .
in your arms i feel your warmth .
wiping away my tears gently .
pass me your shield , grant me the power and strength .
to shed my blood in the battlefield once again .
i love you God , Christ and the Holy spirit . My friends . My Holy love .
i love you Angels . My Guardians .
i thank you for showing me the truth to this world .
i thank you for these gifts . to guide the others in life .
i thank you for always being there for me .
let me rest in the heavens for awhile .

josh - the calling of my guardian angels .

2006-09-18T19:35:00.000+08:00

im sorry .

that i had to leave .

norisha . sharifah . ca-may . janice . jade .

i know ived carried u .

shielded u from ur fears .

gave u hope to life again .

im sorry u fell in love .

i see u fall , break , cry .

and i was always there .

to shield u from ur pain .

to offer my hand ,

and carry u away .

i thank u for all the hugs .

for all the sweet words .

for the times u tried to bite my lips .

for all your sacrifice ,

your mind body and soul .

im sorry i cant take it .

and im sorry , i had to leave .

and im deepest regrets for one of u .

that u have frantically called for me .

and ur last request to see me .

i rejected it . with a frozen heart .

im sorry , i didnt know u were leaving this world .

and your last words ,

"i love you"

breaks me . makes me kneel before God for prayer .

im sorry , that i have forsakened you .

im crying . hearing your words from heaven .

how i wished , i hadnt see you from the beginning .

that i didnt see this helpless girl in pain .

so i wouldn have gave her life the light again .

and only to see her die , in her love for me .

for all that ived put into your life .

im hearing you . i hear your sorries and thanks .

for saving you from the drowning darkness .

and now i hear your cry form the heavens .

in return for my favour .

and i hear your words to guide me in life .

i thank you for your understanding .

i know u wish for my happiness .

i heard it .

and i cant help but cry .

i know what ived done to your lives .

it breaks me to leave u there just like that .

but i at least know , when u fall this time .

you'ved learn to stand up by yourself .

i know you hate me for leaving you .

but i taught u life . i taught u sorrow and pain .

i taught u to break your fears . i taught you to stand .

i taught my life to you .

all i wanted was your understanding .

and now that i know ived made you .

that uved learnt to stand .

its time to leave . before you mistake me for love .

neither did i know . you already fallen for me since the beginning .

im sorry , for the forsakening .

although i hear your cries .

although i feel the worse doing this .

i feel this peace within . that ived pulled another soul to life .

i know you wont forget me .

i know u still love me .

but one day you will thank me .

for my forsakening .

just like her in heaven .

she has understood my doings .

that even if it wasnt love at all .

she's grateful for this friendship .

everytime it rains .

i think of all the sorrows in the world .

that the heavens and angels gather to remember .

to remember the sorrows and the pain in life .

and the heavens and angels would cry .

and every drop means a trickle of tear for each sorrow and pain .

and everytime it rains .

theres this calm within .

that all the sorrows and pain are accounted for .

that someone is there to heal them .

that something would make them smile again .

for without sorrows , how can there be happiness ?

im bleeding , my friends around me do not understand .

and my love for someone is in a lost .

i dare not put my all into love this time .

before i cause another beautiful disaster .

but they would want me to carry on .

praying for my happiness .

and ived promised them i would find it .

but im confused . broken and in darkness .

i dont want to take this step .

i want her to do it .

thats why i remain silent at times .

ived kept this for a long time .

now that she discovered me .

i hope she wouldnt just leave me there .

i hope she takes up the courage to love me .

i hope she believes in me .

closing my eyes .

dreaming .

letting my subconscious take over my thoughts .

seeing flashes of my life .

seeing you and me .

feeling myself fall into this .

do you not ?

dont call me a player .
i was never one .
though i feign .
though i hide you from my heart .

listen to the rain .
hear my every beat of my heart for u .
dont cry anymore .

evanescence - october - in tears for me , i hear your cries
30s to mars - a modern myth - forsaken secret goodbyes
evanescence - listen to the rain - feel the sorrows and lies

josh - crimson regret and betrayal . your blood for my thirst .

2006-09-17T18:40:00.000+08:00

i feel this surge for death within .

the enigma of who i am is killing me .

i am my own murderer .

i want to feel every bit of my body tremble .

and i am intrigued by what's to come .

no one cares .

even if they do . they will never get what i want to make me smile .

they never had the guts to say what they truly feel .

never had the guts to do what they really want.

never fought for their lives .

never cared enough if josh live or die .

the bleeding starts again today .
and i dont intend to stop it .

will anyone be my tourniquet this time .

josh - the darkened blood shall flow .

2006-09-17T00:06:00.000+08:00

please dont be hurt .

hold me close .

let it out .

i promise i'll be a listening ear .

and a comfortable sofa to cushion ur fall .

i wanna take away ur pain and see u smile .

as we embrace one another , kiss me .

time will stop , and we'll need no answers anymore .

hear every beat of my heart for u .

rest in me .

im here always .

josh - yours .

2006-09-16T22:24:00.000+08:00

the banquet .

everything meant so much to my world .

nobody knows who i really am .

everybody is blind .

blind to the emotions i feel .

blind to the truth i show .

some may see a crack of light to josh .

desire .

betrayal .

hate .

vengence .

lies .

battles .

assasinations .

love .

poison .

i understood it all .

every detail meant a part of this world .

every sentence . every intention .

truly a great piece of art .

josh - the fallen prince .

2006-09-14T23:47:00.000+08:00

Love , Life .
one speaks for the other one , hear
and love , life
one speaks for the other one now
we'll try to get by

Did anyone try too hard
well i guess i did
i guess i did alright
Will she'll break my heart ?
Will she'll break my heart ?

Cause ever since the minute i saw ur face
I knew i wanted to be in that place
Next to u , yeah .
and now i spend my whole life trying
To be the one in ur arms
and ill try to get by .

Will she break my heart ?

Isnt it alright ?
Why cant it be ?
Just this once alright ?
It will be you and me .

will u ?

cuz love is a marathon .
thats why u get tired so fast of everyone .
slow down and pace urself .
cuz when its good .
its a long open road .

ill be waiting .

if u think still .
u'll find a soul behind a thrill .
ur just a cat chasing ur tail .
what if u relax ?
something might last .

im still a gentlemen .

Im standing before u .
With these labels on my head .
"Im pleading before u , for u to understand"
"I adore u , I'll be there till the end"
"When everything falls down , will u hold my hand?"

baby , its u .

josh - the fallen . in love .

2006-09-14T15:39:00.000+08:00

todayy marks the day of extreme sleeplessness and hunger .

i joshua sim sze khai has not eaten for more thdn 32 hours .

between this few days . before my previous 6 hour break . did not sleep for 30 plus hours .

i guess im crazy . doing nothing but study . i dont care now .

i screwed up bio p2 todayy . screwed up amath .

did i study for bio ? bet i did . guess what ? im doing worse thdn kenneth .

did he study ??? nooo .

did i won him last time ? yess .

did i study last time ? nooo .

fuck . why is this happening ?

the only reason i can think of is consciousness alertness and physical strength ived been extremely abusing .

okie . with todayys battle situation .

ima increase my estimation . L1R5 30 +/- 2 .

okie . so if i get 32 . i reduced 7 points in 3 days .

and there is 42 days to O's after prelims . 24 days to practicals .

45 divided by 3 . 15 .

15 x 7 . 105 points .

so by right if i do so . i shud get -73 for O's .

and im aiming for 6 okie ?

so am i behind plan ? hell no .

i just wanted to test my limits and discover new records i can break .

u know . some dayy ima be like david blaine . doing all those stuff .

ima learn street magic . cuz thats de difference between me and him .

read up bout him . found that he's quite similar to me in thinking .

jus that he started magic long ago .

nice . i wanna stand on a pole for days with no strings attatched .

wanna get between ice for 3 days .

wanna be buried alive .

haha . i just realized i dod some of this crazy things .

i stood right in frnt of de air con on 16 degrees with my top off for 7 hours .

i stood on 21st storey's edge before . (not suicide . for de expreience)

i nv ate for about 3 days straight .

hmm . im getting there . and im just 16 .

one day i wanna outfast ghandi !!

go skydiving and climb mount everest !

learn snowboarding and pakour !

get my dj set and play at a club . heating the house up .

all this and more . i thirst for it .

well i remembered something . i realized . seeing the light .

u know ? during when i was 14 yrs old .

my 2.4 km run . i was the bout the last in class .

i wanted to do well . i wanted to beat the first . i belived i could . but i nv did try . i procrastinated . and bullshited . walking taking my time . but i really belived i could . even though de world was "against" me .

ppl made fun of me being fat and usless . well it was really for de fun .

one day i on PE . was another usual PE dayy . just that

i decided to give up 2.4 that day . wasnt in de mood to run . and dint had breakfast .

when i returned . i saw de PE teacher .

she scolded me . gave me a thrashing . saying that nothing is impossible .

saying that its de battle in the mind . not de body . saying that i used the excuse for not eating breakfast .

she was an athlete . a good one . with de right mind .

so i gt a lil pissed . but heyy . at least she belived in me i thought .

so as usual i decided to let it go .

but things happened that week .

and the week after . back on PE .

i stood there . looking at the school gate . everybody's there waiting to go .

i looked up in the sky . i looked at the ground . i felt the darkness and light within took over my soul .

i wanted revenge . and i had faith .

so as soon as de teacher said go . i ran from the back of the crowd .

i started out charging in front . pushing and putting it on full throttle .

i wanted to throw out my hate . anger and to fight for de honour of it .

as i ran . i ran . feeling my every breath so deeply . overtaking every enemy with rage .

im already near the first runner .

ived reached the mid of the run .

and i the picture of the person in front of me irks me .

feeling my weakened knees and breaking body and mind .

i told myself . why run so far and lose to him .

so i charged it up with rage . screaming my rage as i ran pass him . like a deathcry to war .

surprised he was . unwilling to accept defeat .

so he charged up too . and before i know it . he was right beside me .

i told myself again . im nt gnna lose to this . im not fighting for nothing .

ived come so far in such a short time . i am certainly not giving up .

so i felt and i was weak . really weak . but i had to fight . i just had to .

during my last turn . half my system shutting down .

i told myself again . ur all . everything uved gt . im so close .

even if u want to collaspe do it after the line josh .

ARGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

these were my last words .

i deathcried once again .

taking that last step to the finishing line .

i came first .

falling on my knees . on the grasspatch i laid .

and i consciously passed out . nobody noticed .

it was less thdn 15 seconds .

the PE teacher came . "Good job josh" " Good job" " U did it !".

ppl surprised . ppl were amazed . i didnt cared .

cuz they were the same losers who ever did believe i could .

and ever since . i topped the class and every run i had .

how could this be ?

last to first in 1 shot ?

u know what ? i believed i could .

and now the only guy in class got a gold for his fitness test .

i guess ppl forget too easily .

but i have friends who stand by me . ppl who trust and believed in me .

i know ived let u guys down a couple of times .

im truly srry .

but i swear to GOd . this is the last time im gnna be .

like before . in 10.30 mins . from last to first .

in 6 weeks . down to 6 points .

i know ppl and some teachers are still cynical about this .

not that i care of . but watch ur ass cuz im gnna kick it .

uved forgotten my victory . now im going to prove u once again .

My Mind , Body , and Soul . in one .

I play to win .

There's no option left but success .

I love myself .

I love my alter egos .

Both the Enemy and Friend .

without the mask .
where will u hide ?

the darkness and light falls together once again .

josh - the undeciphered .

2006-09-13T13:50:00.000+08:00

gosh , im really working like mad now .

i cant belive im doing this .

what's gotten into me ?

whyy am i suddenly so hardworking ?

i hate this . but alrito . its de state of mind i shud be now .

this is not myself .

i miss getting second in class for geo with pure brain power . (no studying at all)

i miss using my brain to work out things that i dont know and find the rationale behind it .

i miss the crazy ass egoistic fun loving guy .

mann mann . whats gotten into me really ?

okie prelims is lil up and down .

i started too late . but theres still time .

i was decided on aiming 23 .

now im counting and estimating . ill reach 27 +/- 2 .

not bad for a days work b4 de exam mann .

i belive this is the biggest effort yet .

wow . im starting to like this new self .

hmm . i wonder if i can get anyway to combine my old and now .

im losing to damien in geo now . todayys paper was above average .

guess what . i studied the whole god damn nite . damien dint at all .

now he's gt all his damn points down . and i dint .

im losing to him ? with actually studying for it ?

and i won him previously . he wins i wins . nv ending battle . but we dint studyy at all .

wth man . see ? my old thinking is right . brains over bronze .

nvm . think its becuz of the stress and 30 plus hours of not sleeping .

entering the battlefield with half strength and consciousness .

i rather go to war with everything ived gt .

thdn study de strategies the entire nite and be physically and mentally weak on that dayy .

wtf , im calling myself weak !

sighh . izzit cuz i want to try a new way of fighting .

it is true . knowledge is power .

alrite . i know im doing this for her .

im srry if i fail . but u must know . i did my best .

or rather am doing .

she's changing me ?

yeahh ?

haa . dont wnna answer that .

im still de same joshy . just more hardworking ! ( i know im blogging now . haa )

so next time . start earlier josh . so u get both the knowledege and the physical and mental strength .

after de prelims . i know i wont score that well . but if i get 27 . i minus 12 points in a few days .

and theres 6 weeks after prelims to 0's . trust me . it will work .

gah like u reading this is gnna belive me acheiving my dreams . "NO WAYY" ud sayy .

i tired . 30 plus hrs no sleep already till this moment .

at least when im on my bed now . taking my last look before opening them again . i did my best .

even if i get what i get . i deserve it . cuz its all my responsibility for my grades .

ima take control over my studies . i feel the urge to work .

like the urge to finish this race .

similar to AKE . rock climbing . mount oph . and dayys i killed myself reaching my goals .

but guess what . i gt there in de end . im getting this feeling .

i may be far behind u right now . but i swear to God ill win my race .

my all . my knees on the ground after the finishing line . passing out .

gnna give my all . 30 plus hrs of endless thoughts ends here in my conscious mind .

2006-09-11T14:19:00.000+08:00

i thought .

i thought i was at the playground .

are we gnna play catching and hide and seek till de end ?

i realize its not catching or hide and seek anymore .

its now about sitting down and eating that ice cream together .

and i dont think ill visit the playground ever again .

i hope u will come with me .

i want to show u.

My World .

josh - the willing to be the fool for true love .

2006-09-09T02:08:00.000+08:00

my journey in life .

is beautiful .

everything that happened .

its for a reason .

even when some sayy that theres no reason for love ?

i ought to sought .

i belived some of u had crossed paths with me before .

letting u take a ride in my life . seeing things through my eyes .

and u know . that i know things that ppl dont . and that i am true .

that its lies i hate . but im the lie living so that some can hide in my dark shadows .

everything i have done was for a good cause .

never to harm .

sometimes ppl have to learn things the hard wayy .

so lead them there . and they shall learn .

i ponder at times when i wonder why am i on earth for .

i cant really find reasons for that .

but changing lives of people . showing them the light in darkness .

watching . observing . deciphering . creating . playing .

and i see smiles . beautiful smiles . smiles that are real and from the heart .

not lies that u see on tv . they are beautiful smiles . but unreal .

well sometimes lies are for good causes . i belived ived used them .

not on anyone . but myself . i lie to myself . that nothing is bad . that my life is what i make of it .

cuz i know . that at times . somethings cannot really be changed .

for example for the moment . time . can u change time . back and forth ?

what is time ?

whyy do we remember the things we do remember ?

and whyy does our mind be able to predict a happenin .

lies . its a form of belive . a want or made of a form of belive .

and beliefs are beliefs . waiting to be made a fact . by ur very own hands .

if fate exists .

why are we here for ??

to live the story that has already been written ?

if so . who has the book ?

doesnt matter who has it . who wrote it is a better question .

are we really as planned ? thdn what is the purpose of living . tell me . to live out ur fate ?

i personally think not .

i think we are out here to write our own stories .

we are the writers of our lives .

and everything else that happens . are just natural or random .

and its not what happens to us . its our reaction to what happens to us that makes the outcome . that makes what will really happen to us .

another day . another day of outcomes . that u have made .

sometimes i just want to close my eyes .

i dont wish to see the sadness in the world .

i dont wish to see the lies .

but sometimes i see things that are beautiful . and i appreciate that . i Thank myself for opening them .

i am here for a purpose .

and i see that my friends around me are different from the world as well .

influenced by me ? cuz i cross their paths too many times ?

i dont want to belive that . they are special ppl . and here for a reason too .

i used to think so . but now i know . no man's really an island .

u may know alot . but that person may just know a few . but some of them are what u not know of .

so ived learnt humility .

ived also learnt ego and confidence .

well for both . there is the good the bad and the fun .

release the bad and ur fine .

good and fun ego are good and fun .

bad humility ? yes they exist .

when ur so humble . u become complacent .

when u dont wish to take a stand . short changing urself unconsciously . thats bad humility .

well well well .

now's life again .

my prelims are nearing .

and frankly speaking . dont care what the grades turn out to be .

i know ived been stressed and muddled about the past weeks .

haven been really studying . but im still in schedule .

so this 2 days . i will do my best . also during the prelims . ill do my best .

i may have regrets . but i dont think so . seeing smiles is better thdn prelim grades .

of cuz if i do well ill see more smiles .

still . quality over quantity yeahh ?

anyway . life as i know it . will be a fruitful journey for me .

and i have tickets to my ride .

feel free to hop on anytime .

i love u ppl .

if u want me .
come get me .
dont leave me waiting
anymore .

josh - the mastermind

2006-09-07T15:58:00.000+08:00

this is killing me !!

i cant eat sleep think properly .

affecting me . affecting my progress .

think ima screw up prelims again .

nono josh . get up !! to de end !!!

sighh . ived calculated .

even if i get 35 for prelims . im still gnna make it to rjc or some other gd jc . as carefully planned .

but how much am i aiming for prelims ? 23>L1R5 . as alpha planned .

i wanna go before schedule !! .

seems like one day i dont get this off my head . ill nv concentrate fully .

Gah !!!!!! God !! why do u have to put this to me all the time !! yes i know . im suppose to learn and grow from it . appreciate the thought . but not now !!

so little time left for prelims . and they teachers and ppl will talk again .

me getting around 20 for L1R5 during prelims aint gnna take josh to rjc ." blablabla . u cant make it blablabla . see i told u so " blablabla . im so disappointed in u " blablabla .

mutherfuckers . think what u want .

yes i do agree , not much time left .

this is crazy .

so much is happening . how am i gnna take it all down .

nvm joshy . all u've got . all u've got .

but hell !!! gah .

another day i cant get this off my mind . im getting weaker somehow .

i shud stop thinking and leave it alone rite ?? thats what everybody says . even i think so .

but u know what ??

IT WONT LEAVE ME ALONE !!!!

GAH !!!

somebody . someone . SAVE ME !!!

hmm . i shud get my bio amath emath and humans done first .

nt gnna care bout science .

yeahh .

gah !!

grrr .

@#$*(^%$#@#%^&

killer .

murderer .

i want to get this off my mind !!!!!!!!

someone talk to me .

tell me things and sweet nothings .

whisper to me ur heart .

ur soul divine .

let me rest in peace .

frustrating it is so .

please girl . i came to see u todayy .

and im still pretty much unconscious .

will u wake me up ?

2006-09-07T02:26:00.000+08:00

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,

Knowing you don't care.

And if I sleep just to dream of you

I'll wake without you there,

Isn't something missing?

Isn't something...

silence at the bus stop .

2006-09-05T14:30:00.000+08:00

this dilemma is killing me .

and im clean .

and i swear to God .

and my emotions are real .

and the last thing i want to do .

is to break anybody's heart .

im in need to know .

do u ?

you are so beautiful .

josh - the undeciphered .

2006-08-30T21:38:00.000+08:00

there has always been ghosts in systems . rules . and mentality .

random segments of code that have been put together to form unexpected protocols

unanticpated, these free radical engendered questions of freewill .

creativity , and even the nature of what we call the soul

why is it when some are left in the darkness , they seek out the light .

how do we explain this .

random segments of code ?

or is it something more ?

when does perceptual schematic turn to consciousness ?

when does the difference engine become the search for truth ?

when does the personality stimulation become the bitter moat of the soul?

what do u see here in my eyes ?

creativity . freewill . consciousness . the truth . my soul . ?

or is there something more .

is there something missing .

is there someone missing me .

2006-08-30T21:30:00.001+08:00

mann . i am tired .

ima fight .

till the end is where i wanna go .

to fall on my knees and pass out on the ground .

that is when i know . ived done my best .

for amigoz that hasnt woke up yet . or still dont know what u want in life .

or still dont know what to do with it . and to those who's deciding to leave it .

im just going to wait .

im not going to care anymore .

u guys think what u guys wanna think .

ived told u what i have to say .

in the end . right there . take me down . if im wrong .

if i didnt encouraged u . helped u . loved u . cared for u . support u .

take me down if i haven done any of that .

but heyy . again . its ur life . even though i love to make a difference .

i cant do much effectively if u dont let me .

anyway amigoz . take bloody good care .

dont cry over milk that ur gnna spill . cuz thdn u would ask . why the hell did i spill it .

or rather save the trouble . drink it down now .